Wednesday, July 27, 2011

EMH Ranting (Censored Version)

Hi everyone!  Long time no talk! It has been a fun semester on unemployment and public assistance. 
Alas, the new semester looms and I am dreading it.

I can hear you from my office!

New Tea-Partying Tub of Tea-Party "Lead-Tutor":  I know that we hadn't interracted for about 2 months, but I guess I  was still sick and tired of your snowflake idiot self when I almost cussed you out the other day.  You throw people out of the tutoring center when you can't take the critical thinking any longer.  Your tendancy to tell the employees "I can hear you from my office" is getting old.  Your office is only 10 ft away in the same room.  For crying out loud, shut the tea-partying door if you don't like it.  Whether you like it or not, we work with students, and sometimes that creates noise.  And referring to yourself in the third person (ie. Snowflake is trying to grade and you are too loud!) only makes you look like the nut you are.  I grade papes too, so cry me a river!  Berating the tutors when their students no-show is not cool either. You know, when I stopped by the other day and you asked the tutor "If your student no-showed, why are you still here?", I think he had a valid point when he said he was waiting for a ride from his girlfriend.  After all, his shift would have ended at the end of the hour, had his student showed.  It's not like his pay allows him to have his own car, but you insist on reminding him that "this is not a hang-out". You really tea-party me off lady!  I mean, it's not like we ever have more than 4 students in there at a time.  Give the guy a break.  After all, he's there to help the students, even if they don't appreciate it.  So, go eat a box of twinkies and leave everyone alone.

And while I'm on the matter of the tutoring center,

Title-III Misappropriation:
    Yeah, you.  The guy who is pocketing the grant money.  So what if I can't "prove" it.  I don't need to see it actually happen to know that it's happening.

     1)  You pay the tutors $6.75/hr.
     2)  It takes you two semesters to get a white-board for the tutoring center, when the grant is awarded every semester.
     3)  And everything else we needed, like staplers, was a tea-partying act of congress to get.

And while I'm at it, I don't like how you brag to everyone about working with "high-risk" individuals.  You don't. All you do is set on your tea-party.  The people who you pay $6.75/hr are the ones who work with "high-risk" individuals, and they have the battle wounds to prove it.  You rarely visit our campus unless it's to fire someone for "putting the grant in jeopardy" (or atleast that's what you call it when the students complain too loudly).  You are a grade A tea-partyhole, and I'm afraid that the debt-ceiling crisis is only going to make people wake up and realise what's going on, and you better get out of dodge when they do.

I am proud to say that I will not be working for the tutoring center in the Fall, as I will be too busy teaching and running my own private tutoring service.  And if you have any thought about having the Dean call me into the office to tell me that it jeopardizes the grant and is a conflict of interest, well you can go tea-party yourself and talk to my lawyer while you are at it.

EMH out


  1. What's with the fat-hate-speech?

    Were those comments necessary to your rant?

  2. @ Myth

    Well, I was going to call her a "Baby Adipose" but I guess I wasn't thinking straight.

  3. Just wanted to say that I was going to comment about the fat-hate too, but i'm glad to see you see the problem.

  4. Dear EMH,
    All else aside, mad props for including the most underappreciated new series Doctor Who villains ever—the Adipose Children. We Salute You.
    (Now then, we do ask you to include a Key to Time reference in your next post. You know, something as old as we are?)

  5. How are you on unemployment over the summer? We can't get that here in my rapidly backwards-moving state.

  6. Props for so effectively incorporating "tea party" into a post.

  7. Thank you, thank you, thank you for helping the tea-partying cause!

  8. Back when I worked in tutoring (writing) centers, there was always a list of alternative activities for tutors to engage in when there was a no-show: anything from dealing with walk-ins if any were present to updating (or just refreshing the supplies of) handouts, to filing or other straightening-up type jobs. In any case, were were supposed to "hang around" (in case of walk-ins or the very late arrival of a no-show) and do something (quiet and) productive. From what I can remember, it worked.

    $6.75?!? That isn't even minimum wage in some states! I'm pretty sure I made $10-$15 per hour twenty years ago (with the equivalent of an M.A., or B.A. plus some grad classes). I'd definitely put your energy into developing the private tutoring service (or even working for someone else's private tutoring service). I'm not sure how such businesses work, but I'd guess, offhand, that there will be a lull in August and September, when families go on vacation and hope springs eternal about little Johnny and Suzie's abilities to make it on their own, followed by a rush as soon as the first round of fall grades comes in.

    As far as conflict of interest goes, see if you can quietly inform yourself about the rules and their actual enforcement (or lack thereof) by reading the faculty handbook and asking around. I'd avoid advertising on the campus where you work if possible (draw tutoring clients from other institutions and/or local high schools), but, beyond that, your institution really doesn't have much say in where a part-time worker finds other part-time work. Besides, if you make more per hour as a private tutor than as an adjunct, and don't get benefits from either position, doesn't it make sense to be a part-time tutor instead of an adjunct, especially since you can already say you've taught at your present institution, which is probably as good, for advertising purposes, as saying that you are teaching there?


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