This last summer term was particularly painful. I am glad it is over so I can start a painful fall term. Here are my top excuses for wanting an extension on assignments:
5. I'm too depressed to do the work.
4. I'm moving and it takes me three weeks to do it.
3. I forgot.
2. I didn't know I was pregnant.
1. I was in jail.
I need stronger alcohol.
My response to number one: "Well, I have a private slam in the permafrost to send you to IF YOU WON'T STOP F**KIN' LYIN' TO ME, YOU WEASILY LITTLE GIT!"
ReplyDeleteSadly enough, #1 is the most common excuse I hear. At which point, I whip out the PfP Modified Miranda rights:
ReplyDeleteYou have the right to remain ignorant. Anything you say can be used to mock and ridicule you in the bar of my choice. You have the right to your failing grade. If you cannot fathom that right, the failing grade will be provided to you anyway.
5. I entirely understand. I myself am too depressed to read your late work.
ReplyDelete4. And this is my problem because .... (actually that's good for all of them)
3. I remembered to post your F, you'll be glad to hear.
2. And this affected your performance how exactly?
1. (response varies depending on offense. Was it a weapons violation?)
Those are some fairly common excuses where I teach, too, but my students come up with such creative gems that I fear sharing them...because they may be singular to LD3C.
ReplyDeleteMA's responses sound good to me. My standard response to any and all excuses is, "You signed up for this course and it's your responsibility. If you choose not to do the required work, your grade will reflect your choice."
My all-time favorite?
ReplyDeleteI had to be debriefed by the FAA because my friend's parachute didn't open right.
(The friend survived with broken legs.)
I'd give the kid an extension for that one. Though an unkind observer might say "so? it wasn't YOUR parachute."
ReplyDeleteMost common type for me: My bf/gf/bff's stepdad/stepmom's mother/father has died, and I need to be there for him/her. (unfortunately, I'm not kidding!)
ReplyDeleteMost memorable: My grandfather was shot.
What depresses me most is that Greta's response is exactly the one I use with my kindergartener: "You chose to [throw the stuffed animal out the window/scream in my face/go with the green lollipop] and so now [the stuffed animal is gone/you get a time out/the blue lollipop is not available]."
ReplyDeleteDo I gag on this formulation? Yes. Does it work? Yes again. Hopefully my kid won't be the one choosing to blow off a deadline and then arguing that the consequences she knew about ahead of time aren't fair.
What were these kids DOING in kindergarten?
I tell my students that if they claim a death as an excuse, there better be a body because I will send a sympathy card to their family. That's almost eliminated the death penalty...I feel bad now because so many relatives seem to end up hanging on life support.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's kindergarten that does them in, Frog and Toad. I think it's the Netherworld of middle school, where it seems the most social promotion takes place. I've seen kids get held back in elementary school--there's still time to help them, and classroom assistants.
But middle school is different. Who wants to hold back a 14 year old and have her or him in class with tender little 11 and 12 year olds? They'll be giving free sex ed lessons behind the gym at lunch! So they're held accountable to a Lord of the Flies version of social niceties, screw the academic stuff and just send them on.
Thus they get the idea that A. Effort at academics doesn't matter and B. "I deserve to pass because I've been coming to school/am well behaved/floss daily."
My gem from last semester:
ReplyDeleteHi, This is _______.
I can't go school today. I callled security.
Because last friday, some random black guy came to my house and he tried to open my house door 3o'clock in the morning.
Now I have to go to office and tell them what happen.
and, I'll go to shool on monday at your office hour. I want to talk about some thing.
Is that okay?
thanks for read throw this
I have to say I just came off a summer session that was freakin' kickass good.
ReplyDeleteAll the students were into the class, contributed, cooperated, did the work expected and earned their excellent grades.
I have already warned them that their classmates will soon be pegging projectiles at them because I will be saying , "well, the *summer* session students grokked this..."