at 18.
Stoned, hairy, stumbling
out of Poli Sci early,
skipping Econ entirely.
A rally at the student center,
bong hits in a lab,
sleeping till 3.
A pretty Philosophy major
brought me 'round
in my senior year,
got my shit together,
convinced me to attend class,
to finish, to not fade.
Decades pass,
and I bitch and whine
about the new models.
(Yet I was no prize.)
Q: What sort of undergrad
would I be today,
if time could be so manipulated?
How would I play out
those years differently?
What would I do?
What would I change?
What about you?
I would have dyed my hair purple and gold stripes.
ReplyDelete8-)
I wouldn't have failed out of college. No, really. Though I've always said that the experiance made me the scholar I am today, so unless I am bullshitting myself I suppose I shouldn't mess with the experiances that made me who I am.
ReplyDeleteI would be playing *so* much X-box. So, so very much. But my research papers would have much better research. Bartending at our parties would be better researched. I think technology would have helped in studying German, say. Study abroad would have been less lonely with Skype and Facebook. Oh, God, I would spend time self-fashioning and networking on Facebook.(this is all disregarding "if I knew then what I know now" getting-my-shit-together scenarios and going for straight realism)
ReplyDeleteI know this topic is supposed to be fun, but I fear that I would not be a college student at all. A first-generation English speaker and first-generation eighth-grade graduate, I attended the open-admissions college in my hometown—an institution that now has R1 aspirations and thus is closed to students like I was. Able to afford the cheap tuition because the state supported its colleges as it no longer does and because the federal government gave me what were called Basic Educational Opportunity Grants to cover that tuition, I only worked for a few hours a week for a little money to cover car and beer expenses. I had no anxiety about huge debts. And as I was a confused young man, who struggled his way through a few years of college as he developed from a vocationally minded student to an academic one, I required a second and third chance. (I earned my MA in fewer years than I needed to earn enough credits to be a sophomore!) Yet I was not cut off from my Grants!! Would any of that be possible today?
ReplyDeleteI would have spent less time in fear of what other people thought of me socially.
ReplyDeleteBut I was given the amazing gift of tuition to the college of my choice -- suddenly, unexpectedly. So you know what? I was the kind of student I wish I had. I didn't take one second of my education for granted. Sorry to sound sanctimonious, but what kills me is students who waste it -- not the strugglers or the ill-prepared or the ones who need to be acclimated to college expectations, but the rich kids who waste money, time, and other people's energy. I can't sympathize with them, because I almost didn't get what they're getting.
I'm with NEN. Since I flunked out of college the first time around, and that made me into a better student when I got my second crack at it a few years later, I wouldn't change a thing.
ReplyDeleteBut, if I could somehow go back and be the serious student I became from the getgo, I might consider it.
That, and knowing what I know now, I'd have gotten laid a whole hell of a lot more.
It is with some embarrassment that I admit that were I, Yaro, an undergrad now, that I'd be among the older gents on campus.
ReplyDeleteAnd, the long walk to the men's room twice a night would certainly tax me.
Nevertheless, I would, too, use the U Tube to chronicle my fervent dancing.
Thank you for the interesting Thirsty. I am yours.
Sorry to not be bringing the funny, but I'd be pretty much who I was.
ReplyDeleteThough raised comfortably middle class in a sleepy bedroom town after my family escaped the urban center of my birth, I nevertheless was the first generation to go directly to college after HS. I took my parents up on their offer of state college tuition (a semesters-worth of classes, room and board costing then what ONE private SLAC class costs today!)
I reveled in my undergraduate experience. I took my education seriously. I was a solid -- though not spectacular -- student who got involved in several extracurriculars while also working a part-time job.
Graduate school didn't come right away. (Remember, solid, not spectacular, student!) I ended taking each next step about 10 years after each previous degree while trying to find a place for myself in the work-a-day world.
So, I'm a little impatient when hearing various flaky claims of entitled expectation. I got where I am today (workhorse adjunct) the old fashioned way -- 1 step forward, 2 steps back ... repeat, repeat, repeat.
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ReplyDeleteUnlike NEN or Archie, I didn't flunk out, but was just a less-than-studious undergrad (and I didn't drink; just hung out and got too interested in a certain type of (larger) football).
ReplyDeleteHowever, my grad days reclaimed me and I believe I'd turn back the clock to do that level of work (or even half of it) as an undergrad (and avoided a few personal disasters).
And, like Archie, I'd parallel his final comment.
Woops. I didn't actually answer the question, but I probably implied my answer. I'd be about the same kind of student. I might be a little more research focused, but as far as work ethic goes, I'd be about the same. I was pretty unflakey as far as snowflakery goes which is why I have little tolerance for it.
ReplyDeleteI've idly considered this subject in the past, and I decided that my undergrad days were the best time that I never want to have again. Some of college was an absolute blast. I was an academic scholarship kid, liked most of my profs and classes, earned A-B grades, pledged a fraternity as a freshman, made really close friends for the first time in my life, experienced success with the ladies, and competed on a few varsity sports teams at my SLAC.
ReplyDeleteSome of being in college really sucked, too; I was sufficiently flaketacular to do a few stupid things, one of which ended up earning me a C in a class I could've nearly aced, and although I can't claim any special hardship, just being me in my late-teens/early-20s phase was sufficiently painful on a social-emotional level that I don't wish to repeat the experience. It's the whole Buddhist thing of life-as-suffering, y'know?
That being said, were I in college today, what would I be like? If I were that age again and of the same mindset, only temporally displaced, I figure I'd be much the same person, and things would play out much the same.
Were I in college now and able to take advantage of the life lessons I've learned since the first time around? I'd probably do mostly similar things, but I'd take a real science class (maybe chemistry) instead of the physics-for-idiots class I took, take advantage of the campus mental health services, not take -quite- so many bong rips, and to echo Archie, I'd get laid a lot more. Oh, dear lord...I'd cut such a swath. I'd realize I was burned out on competitive swimming, too, and just not even bother to join the team for that godawful third season.
Oh...and I might opt not to streak a major campus event. No lasting harm came of it, but getting tackled, cuffed, and stuffed by the kampus kops was kind of a bummer.
Dropping the scary KGB persona...
ReplyDeleteFor me it was high school, not college, that determined where I went to university; if I had gone to better places than the Krazy Kristian Skools, maybe I could have avoided Northeastern Ghetto Tech and just gone straight to Drinkers' College. Mind you, I didn't hate Pretzelton, it's just that NGT was just NG. Oh, and they still would have feared me.
....leather trenchcoat going back on.
Before I flunked out the first time, I would walk down the paths of the quadrangle looking down, fearing that I would catch anyone’s eyes. The second time around, I walked that path like I owned it. Once I went back to school, I was the type of student I wished I had been from the beginning. So when I have a student a second time, after a few years of growing up, I am never surprised how much they have progressed and now sit in the front row and know how to act.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, Richard aren’t you still hairy?
If I could rewind?
ReplyDeleteI would get my ass to the student health center after the FIRST debilitating panic attack.
You know I want to thank you guys. This is the first academic group where I've admitted that I flunked out of college and I wasn't the only one or treated like a curiousity for it.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I'd do much different academically. Academics were always my comfort zone, and I got a lot out of my classes without getting caught up in grade-grubbing or other forms of perfectionism (well, a bit of the latter; I could have gotten through freshman year without writing a "time budget" each week). I'd probably do an official women's studies minor, but that's not a biggie; I have the benefit of most of the classes, just not the official degree. And if I were transported back to my undergrad campus during the '80s with the knowledge I have now, I'd go to church more often (because the preacher in the campus chapel was amazing, something that only became clear to me later, but I might have discovered if I'd gotten out of bed on Sunday mornings).
ReplyDeleteIf I and my classmates were somehow transported 20 years forward in time, one part of my personal life would be easier: the gay man with whom I was in love for most of college would probably be out to himself, and to others. That would definitely have made things less complicated for me (and, to a much greater extent, for him and my other gay and lesbian classmates).
If I knew then what I know now, I would have spent even more time keeping in touch with my grandmothers, who were in the last years of their lives (but, since my grandfather died my freshman year, I did know that on some level, and spent a good deal of time keeping in touch, and taking on tasks they had once done, so they could still enjoy the holiday dinners and other family occasions they'd made possible for years -- which gave me an interesting perspective on '80s feminism, which tended to ignore the value of domestic/family labor, not to mention a somewhat unusual, very-unsnowflakey undergraduate experience -- racing home at Thanksgiving break to cook the dinner. Odd as it was, I wouldn't change a moment of it). And there are some other family relationships that I'd treat with more care -- both in the sense of acknowledging the importance of the relationship, and of approaching some people with extreme caution.
I'd choose a different graduate program, or at least know that, when 5 faculty members left the year I passed generals, I needed to be much more proactive in dealing with the fact that I was suddenly without an adviser.
And I'd be more proactive in reaching out to my best friend from high school, who had the sort of stop-and-start college career others here have described (though more because of a complicated family situation, an early marriage, and two children born during college than academic or attitude problems). I always admired how well she was coping, but there were times when I don't think she knew that (but I hope my students in similar situations these days do; of course, the fact that she did cope, and take responsibility when she didn't, also makes me a bit impatient with those who would use similar circumstances as an excuse).
@TubaPlayer -- I am struck by your honest assessment here. While I deal with students who are in a nationally accredited (as opposed to the exclusive regional), I think I am handed the students who would have previously been helped along into big schools with such programs. Now all they have are the scam artists of online universities and worthless degrees. It's a source of conflict within me; I do the best I can.
ReplyDelete@NAN -- I dropped out before I flunked out, but I was well on the way. I was drunk on freedom. Luckily (!) a medical emergency forced me to drop out. I dealt with it and went back as a much more mature, smarter adult.
Who knew. Good question, Richard.
I wish I'd taken a couple of years before university to work, travel, and think over why I wanted to go to university at all. "Because that's what the smart kids do" is not a good enough reason. I might not have failed as many classes, dropped out for a year, gotten extremely and undiagnosedly depressed,, changed majors a couple of times, and fallen in love basically every three weeks in an effort to distract myself from everything else that was going so desperately wrong. I wish I had EVER, even once, done the readings or prepared for class; or talked to a professional about what the hell was so impossible about that.
ReplyDeleteI wish I'd paid attention to a couple of the classes I was enrolled in - it would be a gross misuse of the term to say that I "took" the classes - that were really excellent, but I was hardly in a position to appreciate them because I was hardly ever there.
It's not clear to me, in retrospect, how I got into grad school. I know WHY I wanted to go to grad school - to prove I could do the work, damn it, all evidence notwithstanding - but have no idea how I got in. Turned out I liked being a grad student much better.
If I had it to do over again, I'd wait five years.
So everyone's being brutally honest for this thirsty, eh? Here goes: In 1st year I worked my ass off, and when I wasn't working my ass off I was playing a lot of computer games [in other floormates' residence rooms! - I didn't have a computer...]. If I had to do it over again, I'd substitute the computer games with trying to get laid. Don't worry, it finally happened in 2nd year when I was no longer in residence and didn't have access to computer games...still, that one extra year of gettin' it on would have been nice...
ReplyDeletei would be partying harder, working harder, and achieving more in my classes than any of my best students today. this is not because i am brilliant (a lot of my students today are smarter than i was at their age). it is simply true because i never watched tv, i was there to push/prove myself, and i feared disappointing adults i loved/admired.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't have quit the solid, 25 hour a week job I had before college. Then I wouldn't have had to have three half-assed jobs to get through. Would've been simpler.
ReplyDeleteIn general, I don't have a lot of regrets about stuff I never did, because traditional college life has never held much allure for me. I never lived in a dorm, and never wanted to. I never felt left out because I wasn't going to cool parties with cool people. Usually those parties ended with those same people projectile vomiting or getting a social disease, or both. Sororities seemed like the stupidest idea in the universe, and to me they mostly still do. Just completely dumbass shit, from beginning to end.
So I don't know that I would have done anything differently in school. I did pretty well, graduated magna cum laude. I cut corners occasionally but mostly I worked hard and did well. I was paying for it myself, so that worked as an incentive.
I didn't have much of a love life, but I don't recall regretting that much at the time, and I certainly don't regret that now. I don't see how I would have had time for anything but random hookups anyway, and regarding that, see above.
I didn't really start enjoying myself until grad school. Now there was some good times...
My first thought was that I'd like to have been less of a conscientious nerd but, thinking about it, college was the ONLY place I've been where it was actually OK to be myself, and at heart I am pretty darn nerdy. Academically - if I was me at 18, I might take a different set of first year options, but otherwise I'd do what I did.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, I would have talked to someone about what I now know were mental health issues, not just an accurate assessment of my own undesirability and incompetance (I got a first, and I still believed I was a failure. Issues, anyone?). Been a bit braver in my emotional life, less afraid it would consume me and a little more open about making first moves on nerd-boys who were as inept as I was. Spent a LOT less time crushing on what I now realise was a smug, arrogant and entitled young man who spouted quotes but was completely unoriginal (at the time I thought he was a genius, naturally). Indulged a bit more in all the opportunities for the fairly incompetent enthusiast to make music, in groups and in public, in all sorts of genres (if music has genres?).
Good God, will NONE of you killjoys play X-box and drink mojitos with me after Anthro? These supermutants aren't gonna shoot themselves, you know. The paper's not due until Week 15.
ReplyDeleteI was a good student and that wouldn't change, but you know what I'd do differently?
ReplyDeleteI'd have way more fun. I'd have glorious young-body sex with smart, sweet, enthusiastic, and easy-on-the-eyes men. I wouldn't settle down with any of them.
I'd manage my time better so that I could go out with friends and get drunk once every weekend without homework (or real work--I worked my way through school) suffering. I would do this at my favorite town-gown bar, and I would be a very happy, fun drunk (as I was anyway). I wouldn't regret the hangover the next day.
I'd get to know more of the students on the outskirts of the mainstream.
I wouldn't take myself so seriously.
I'd pay more attention to the off-the-books lesson my proffies had. I'd observe them, talk to them more about teaching and scholarship and life. I got to do a lot of this at my wonderful undergrad school (awesome proffies) but it was haphazard on my part. I'd be more deliberate.
I'd read more for pleasure.
I'd take more classes outside of my major. I had a great liberal arts education, but I regret not having taken math or history and a couple of other classes.
I'd study abroad.
I'd move to my college town year-round while in school, rather than going home. I'd work two jobs in the summer and enjoy the slower pace of my lovely college town.
I'd keep in touch with people from my hometown and family who actually mattered to me, and blow off every other one.
I had a great undergrad experience, but if I had the chance to do it over again--with at least a little of the wisdom I've gained since--I would have an incredible undergrad experience.
Great question, Richard.
ReplyDeleteI sat back and let the memories wash over me, and discovered to my surprise that after freshman year (when I barely passed), I was generally the kind of student I like to have. Reading the course catalog was like going into a candy store. I was curious, read everything, and asked interested questions when invited to (annoying only one professor, apparently).
I had plenty of fun, too. Just being free of my high-maintenance, seriously disturbed mother was a revelation. On top of that, I finally learned to throw a frisbee straight and far; saw many great concerts (Bonnie Raitt! Bob Marley! Squeeze! New Rhythm and Blues Quartet! Zappa! Talking Heads!); and enjoyed many a bong hit and Hash under Glass.
My biggest flakiness as a student was procrastinating on term papers. I'd be only slightly better about that now, considering how I approach dreaded bureaucratic paperwork.
What I'd do differently (echoing much of Greta):
I'd be genuine, not try to agree with everyone, and blow off people I didn't like.
I'd let myself say what I thought instead of rushing through replies as if I didn't deserve to take anyone's time.
When my first lover held me in front of a mirror and said, "We make a great couple. You know, I have a habit of staying with a girlfriend for years," I'd reply: "What about me? Why are you assuming I want this to last?" instead of staying with him for 7 subjugating years out of gratitude for his affection.
I'd let that sexy guitarist finish seducing me while said boyfriend was secretly sleeping with our mutual friend in a distant state.
And, Dr. Lemurpants, I'll meet you in the pub after Anthro for a pint and a prolonged session of Black Knight pinball. (Double decker, with MagnaSave AND Multiball!)
Pinball! I miss it. Can't find a machine anywhere these days. I'll challenge anyone on Black Hole. I'll buy the next pitcher.
ReplyDelete[after the arcade closes, plays hackeysack on the quad with M.A. and Eskarina drinking gin and tonic out of a nalgene waterbottle]
ReplyDelete@Merely: plan a trip to Washington, D.C, but quickly; last I heard they'd lost their lease and didn't have a new location pinned down: http://www.nationalpinballmuseum.org/ .
ReplyDeleteAlso, Merely, pinball is pretty popular in undergrad bars. If it's worth it, you could venture in for a fun game during the lazy afternoon hours.
ReplyDeleteNot around here. Really. Videogames are everywhere, but pinball? It's sad. Nothing compares to pinball. I would never have finished my M.A. without it.
ReplyDeleteYes, pinball is control over the laws of physics, however briefly -- supremely transporting when one has little enough control over anything else.
ReplyDeleteDr. Lemurpants, my stealth drink of choice was a can of Diet Coke with rum.
"Dr. Lemurpants, my stealth drink of choice was a can of Diet Coke with rum."
ReplyDeleteI would occassionally put cheap Latvian vodka in Pepsi, though really all you have to do is pour Stolichnaya into a clear water bottle and you're golden.
Just don't grimace when you pull too big of a swig and nobody will know the difference.
Truth be told, I was too busy to be drinking; I was a grind as an undergrad.