I can't thank you enough for having one of your three personal assistants complain to my chair that I had not taken his phone calls. I suppose this is the time to point out that you took away our phones a year ago so that you could pay the salaries of your three personal assistants, plus your all-important trips to foreign countries (in business class, of course) to recruit even more faculty and TAs who speak languages our students can't understand, especially after you cut most of the foreign language instruction. But I digress. No matter how you choose to have your personal assistants communicate with me, be it non-existent telephone, smoke signal, or tattling, I will not sit on yet another committee wherein you get faculty to write a report for your superior which you will then systematically ignore, or perhaps wipe your ample butt with. I have already paved the road to my own personal hell with the pages I've written for your stupid reports, and I've reached the end of my road. Since your superior is as much of a douchebag as you, do what my students do: copy some crap from the internet, put a pretty cover on it, and wipe your ass with that.
Hugs and Kisses, Harpy
Don't you hate-hate-HATE it when they insist you do huge amounts of extra work in addition to their heavy teaching loads AND high research demands, and you JUST KNOW they don't even read it? The next one I can't wriggle out of I will load up on caffeine, type-type-type the first nonsense that enters my transom, spell check it once, and send it.
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