Thursday, February 2, 2012

Conference Paper Blues

I have a conference presentation to make a week from today. I have written two pages of said paper. I have an outline of my points for the rest of the paper. And I keep thinking, "Is there anyone who really ENJOYS listening to someone read their papers at conferences? Really??? Wouldn't I be doing them a favor if I just read the two pages I've written and then tell them the rest of my argument?" And it is this attitude which contributes to the overall main problem:

I am in student mode. This means that instead of writing my paper, I'm going to go home to play games for a few hours, write for 20 minutes, go out to eat, talk on the phone for two more hours, sleep my way through my first class, and then rinse and repeat all the way until next week.

I will whine to the conference participants that I worked REALLY hard on the paper, and I'll get a copy of what I would have presented to them later for half the experience (like half credit, right?).

And I will sit back while they all applaud my efforts because hey... I showed up to the conference, didn't I? I tried, man! I tried! Really hard!

I also hate myself right now for even cynically contemplating the option to stoop to snowflake levels.

(I am also labeling 'stooping,' for the label hounds.)

22 comments:

  1. The label idea, which is one thing I've asked the moderators about, shouldn't be something that inconveniences you. It's a helpful thing for readers, but if doing it so incredibly hard for you - the proof is your smart ass remark - please don't do it on my account.

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    1. Oh, I agree, Cali Carla (hello, nice to meet you): labeling is helpful for readers when trying to find old posts and I have used it in all of my postings (once I figured out what it was, at least). I don't dispute that fact. I didn't realize my closing comment would be interpreted to be an asshole comment. I'm sorry. I thought it would just be a further emphasis of the irony that I was trying to portray (i.e. using myself to mock student behavior).

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    2. Cali, we can make smart as remarks about the easy stuff too.

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    3. I'm sorry, CC, I came off too harsh. The label thing is so helpful, and I'm a shit for trying to make you feel bad. Sorry.

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  2. No, nobody enjoys hearing someone read a paper. The only thing worse is listening to someone ad lib a paper!

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    1. Yeah, I whiffed on the irony...but I see it now. Back on my toes!

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  3. You should click the ad I see at the right:

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. If you click the "russian love match" ad in the sidebar, one of the first lines of text you see is:

    THIS WEBSITE DOES NOT CONDUCT CRIMINAL BACKGROUND SCREENINGS

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    1. If you find a potential suitor, run the name past Strelnikov.

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  6. In the sciences, reading a paper from script is considered a sign of feeble-mindedness. The only circumstance in which this can improve a talk is if the speaker can barely speak English. So, if you're asking me, I say sure, go ahead and ad lib it.

    This assumes, of course, you know what you want to say well. OK, don't totally ad lib it, then: have an outline in front of you, annotated at various points with, "Explain this." A nice thing about scientific talks (sometimes) is that one needs to show results, so one can use graphics as prompts. This wouldn't have worked for Abraham Lincoln, though: a parody of what PowerPoint would have done to the Gettysburg Address is here:

    http://norvig.com/Gettysburg/

    PowerPoint is only ever to be used as a low-resolution slide viewer. Don't use it as a crutch. Edward Tufte has choice words about how not to abuse PowerPoint, here:

    http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/11.09/ppt2.html

    He does go too far in called for a ban, however. Speakers abused overheads and, earlier, 35mm slides in exactly the same ways. If one needs to display results, there aren't many other options: flip-charts?

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    1. Pretty much what Frod said. The most bored I've ever been in my life was at a humanities conference I wandered into once. There was no interaction with the room at all. Speaker after speaker just reading from a damned text. If you can't ad-lib a bit, give me the fucking paper and let me read it myself.

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    2. You're half-right about PowerPointless, Frod. A crappy presenter relying on a hackneyed PPT makes for a "somebody kill me now" experience, even more so than a humanities prof reading off a paper, and PPT's visual resolution isn't particularly wonderful. Even so, if it's used creatively, PPT can be a really great informational and persuasive tool. (Prezi is pretty nifty, as well.)

      You do your argument a disservice by citing Tufte, though; he's a huckster, a dumbass, and an ignoramus. No, really. Tufte is an evangelist for good design and all that, which I appreciate, but he's figured out a way to make a pile of money by regurgitating and selling other people's ideas (that, as evidenced by his books' content, he doesn't actually understand).

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    4. I never said that Tufte deserves a Nobel Prize. What's undeniable is the glee with which he rips into PowerPoint, and that much of what he says about it is true (it is desirable to avoid making your presentations resemble a first-grade reader). It's also undeniable that the article is available online for all to see easily, and that his books are very beautiful.

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  7. "Wouldn't I be doing them a favor if I just read the two pages I've written and then tell them the rest of my argument?"

    Probably. Yes. In fact, I'd go so far as to say toss the two pages you've written - you're giving a talk after all.

    But practice the talk.

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  8. Most of the time I adlib from a loose outline (and the only copy of that around is my visual aid). People have said I'm good at this, so I'm either not as shitty as everyone else or it works for me, hard to say.

    There have been papers I've written out though, mostly when I had to stick to a very very strict time frame OR I had to talk about something incredibly complicated OR I wanted to make it artsy (my second to most recent falls into this last category). Don't worry, that last one was appropriate to the speaking situation.

    I really wish LESS people would write the damn things actually, I'm tired of listening to people read.

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    1. Many of my students are physics majors, and have such poor social skills, they are absolutely terrified of public speaking. I tell them that giving an academic talk is a skill like blindfolded javelin throwing: you really don't have to be very good at it to get people's attention. In the case of academic talks (and not blindfolded javelin throwing), this is because the standard is SO low.

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  9. For the record, I have never just READ a paper at a conference. I physically cannot make myself do that. Even when others before and after me have done that, I have never done that. I always put together an outline of my main points and present my information. This comes from having spent the first six years of my career teaching public speaking. I am curious now about PowerPoints. I'll have to do a thirsty on people's feeling about those.

    Thanks, all, for the feedback.

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