I have a student--bright, articulate, a joy to have in class--who is having terrible problems with depression. Her life story is a sad one (foster kid whose toxic, drug-addled parents are still in her life, and an emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend whose behavior is the kind you read about in the paper after he's killed his ex and then himself--"He seemed like such a nice guy"--and I have helped her get counseling services because I am not a therapist, however much my students seem to be comfortable telling me these things). She missed a few of my classes last semester because she simply couldn't get out of bed. She turns in A-level work: engaged, intelligent, fun to read. She's a good student having a really rough time.
She is worried about flunking math (again), and I bumped into her on the stairwell a few days ago. She was crying in frustration, having spent 3 hours on 3 problems that still weren't coming out right. She mumbled something about college being the only thing keeping her going, and she didn't know what she'd do if she flunked math again. I am afraid for her, but short of adopting her I can't help her further. I told her to talk to the prof, who is truly a good soul and is deeply invested in helping students succeed--if he knows that they need help.
Maybe college isn't for everyone, but what about when it's the only thing keeping a student moving through the world? This isn't really a thirsty...I'm just worried.
Maybe you could talk to her math prof and say exactly what you've said in your post. Good luck and best
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ReplyDelete. . . wishes to you and your student.
Following up with "Heroin", here are the lyrics of a fiiting song by Lou Reed, performed by The Velvet Underground. "Jesus."
ReplyDeleteJesus, help me find my proper place
Jesus, help me find my proper place
Help me in my weakness
'Cos I'm falling out of grace
Jesus
Jesus
I was in my sophomore year when I changed majors due to problems in a class similar to what your student is facing (though thankfully without the outside issues).
ReplyDeleteI don't think that people should give up at the first sign of adversity, but if there is something required for her field that this otherwise bright young girl cannot wrap her head around, perhaps she should choose something more closely related to your field which she seems to excel at?
I had gotten through Calc 4 and Diffy Q and because of things I had struggled with way back in Pre-Calculus and had continued struggling with I just wasn't going to be very efficient or happy in my chosen career. I switched and it was the best thing I ever did for myself (see PhD in second field, heh). Find out why she wants to be the major she wants to be. See if you (and her therapist, but you probably know more about University structure and degrees) can help her find something more akin to her true calling. :)
This student may be better suited taking some time to sort out her life do that when she returns to college she can succeed. Remember taking some time off is not a sign of defeat, it is a sign of strength to admit you need help and to seek it out.
ReplyDeleteIf the math class is a major rather than a core requirement, I like My Little Proffie's idea. If it's a core requirement (i.e. at a very basic level), and she's having that much trouble, I wonder whether she was ever tested for learning disabilities? Maybe another idea to pass on to her math professor and/or counselor?
ReplyDeleteI'm not generally for babying the ones who have already been babied, but the ones who are even partly succeeding against the odds, especially if most of their colleagues come from more privileged backgrounds? Though it's still not obligatory to serve as any more than a teacher to them, if there's a way to help without becoming overwhelmed ourselves, I think we ought to try.
Like Phillip, I would try to have a word with the maths prof if he's as decent a guy as you say he is - formal systems for notifying profs about student issues do exist, but sometimes an informal word on behalf of a student who's really making an effort is the decent thing to do, and can help a lot.
ReplyDeleteTaking time out is not always a good solution. Some people, especially those with very unstructured home situations or with an illness like depression that destroys your ability to make and stick to structures for yourself, find that college is really important in giving them the structure they need whilst they also deal with their problems - less demnading in timetable terms than a job, engaging your mind, offering possibilities and new ideas, making you spend some time around people, making you feel like things change, and that there is some kind of progress (through the module, through the term) and framework - yes, it's stressful, but so is being in the mire of depression with only destructive people around you and struggling to find meaningful work in the current economy or relying on the state (which makes a lot of people depressed regardless of their earlier state of mind)... I have a lot of time for this sort of student, and have had the priviledge of being the chosen academic advisor of several who have finally finished their degrees and gone on to do well.
When I began my teaching career as a part time adjunct, I had a one year old and was newly pregnant with my second. I simply had no room to care about this kind of student. It is sometimes like that, even for profs, even though we are expected, for some reason, to care more than others do....why should that be, really, when after all, what we have actually been hired to do is share our knowledge, not to save drifting souls. It has been quite a few years now. I am full time; I have older teenagers. Somewhere along the line, I realized that I could not do the job any more if I was not willing to offer up that piece of my soul that becomes vulnerable when you let yourself really care about the suffering of people that for some reason, because you are their professor, people show to you all the time. I am not talking about the b.s. artists.....we see through them, don't we. I am talking about students like this one. My only advice to you is yo do as much for this person as you realistically, possibly can. And do not beat yourself up for not being able to do more than that.
ReplyDeleteGo with the student to the other instructor the first time. That way you aren't breaching any perceived confidentiality and the student sees firsthand that you are willing to help her.
ReplyDeleteShe did talk to the prof, and he's helping her. Part of the problem is that the course is also accelerated/blended--she never should have signed up for it in the first place.
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