I know you said that you would return our projects on Monday, but I'm not sure that I can be there. As you know, there have been several bad storms, and we had a power outage, so I'm going to be running at least a day behind. Also, if my project didn't pass, that would mean I'd have two Fs already, and then I don't think I have a great chance of getting an A anymore in your class which you know I have to keep up my GPA.
So before Monday's class could you let me know if I passed the second project? And if I didn't, could you explain why and if there's any way I can still get an A through some extra credit or other extra work.
But I don't want to hear the bad news in class, so just email me the results. If I did as well as I hoped I did, then I can know ahead of time and get to school on time and I'd really appreciate it.
Face It, I'm Really Failing Fiona
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Dear Prof. Hiram:
I'm not going to be in class this week. My famillies's trip to Xxxxxx got extended for an extra days because my Dad won so much money at the casion. We are all returning this Friday, though so I'll be ready to go next week. Could you get Derek to take notes for me. We're in the same dorm.
Travelling Timmy
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Dear Dr. Hiram,
Have you graded our projects yet? I won't be in class Monday because of several personal issues. But I want to know my grade as soon as possible. You can reply to me tonight so I'll know and I'll pick it up in class this week or next.
Alternate Delivery Darlene
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Dear Hiram,
The faculty board has moved up the undergraduate advising meeting to this Wednesday. I only heard about this few days ago, and have been scrambling to get my own presentation ready. I thought I'd see you around campus so I didn't contact you right away. Hope I've given you enough time.
Sit on It Sidney
PS: I didn't answer ANY of these email. It felt so good...hehe.
Wow. This is E P I C fuckwittery. I totally understand your bafflement.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't have answered them either.
Have you had the misfortune of reading "Generation iY" by Tim Elmore too? It is not quite EPIC tomfoolery, but it is bland, cliched writing, because it's bland, cliched thinking.
DeleteI'm with you Hiram. I had a "Sit on It Sidney" moment last year, too. Just a colleague who instead of giving me 2 week's notice for a major project gave me 2 days instead because she "figured you'd find me in the hallways."
ReplyDeleteIs it a common practice in the ether to find professors wandering hallways? Because I've never ever seen a professor outside of lecture. Rarely have I even seen TA's crawling around campus. Would no way in hell bet my grade on a coincidental encounter.
DeleteWow. Sounds like my class last semester. I wouldn't have answered them either, but that's because my head would have exploded from being full of rage.
ReplyDelete"But I don't want to hear the bad news in class, so just email me the results. If I did as well as I hoped I did, then I can know ahead of time and get to school on time and I'd really appreciate it."
ReplyDelete'If I did well, of course I'll show up to class on time, because that way I can get double praise! That'll cancel out those two Fs, yes?'
Also, I love how she is "going to be running at least a day behind" because of a power outage, as if she is the clock on the microwave or something.
Somehow, without using Fiona as a giveaway, this who email reads like a sorority chick wrote it. A little bit bitchy, a whole lot stupid....sorority chick.
DeleteBut Hiram! If you're in reality not baffled, it's not nearly as good: why should I try to answer your questions, if you're not? ;-)
ReplyDeleteNevertheless: hitting that "delete" key feels so great for e-mail like this, doesn't it? E-mail like this, in fact, gives me more pleasure than many other kinds of e-mail, because I know exactly what to do with it.
As one who is also now constrained to be 'cynical,' I feel your baffled pain. :o) I, too, would enjoy ignoring these.
ReplyDelete