The Flask

Remember this post? Did you follow the link? Well, I just bought that flask. I bought the version that comes with a funnel for less than five bucks with free shipping because I have Amazon Prime. I am supposed to get it tomorrow, which is just in time to prevent my impending end-of-the-semester nervous breakdown.

I will be bringing it everywhere I have to go in the next three weeks. To a party welcoming the new dean, where if there isn’t some decent food I’m going to lead a violent overthrow of the reception room. To the curriculum committee meeting, where I will spend my time doodling, probably zombies and pornographic pictures of hamster sex. To the student awards party, where I will avoid my own contribution of expired cake and off-brand grape soda. To my daughter’s dance recital, where I will watch my daughter raptly and ignore every other child there, because every other child there annoys the hell out of me. To her dentist’s appointment, where I will writhe under an endless loop of the Lion King. To the mandatory Friday-night revue of honors projects, where I will assign grades in reverse correspondence to each student’s ability to exasperate me. To day-long department meeting that occurs on the day grades are due, where there is about a 50/50 chance that I will shoot myself. Perhaps this is sayonara at last, dear College Misery friends.

Or maybe I just need a bigger flask.