I see it there.
I see it everywhere.
Proffie picking his nose.
Proffie picking his toes.
Proffie sticking his arms down his pants
All the way to the elbows
While I'm talking to him
At his SLAC
At his Ivy League palace
In his community college dungeon
And during the conference luncheon.
Men seem to do it much more than women.
Administrative assistants do it far less than proffies.
A Ph.D. seems to be a license to pick, dig, suck, rub, you name it.
For decades, I have been impressed by the staff members' manners
And repulsed by the proffies.
I ask only this:
Please, please don't eat your boogers while you're talking to me.
Oh, never mind, you're going to do it, anyway.
So true. I once watched a colleague read a menu affixed to a cafeteria wall, all the while wiping his nose with his tie. Shudder.
ReplyDeleteWell you wouldn't want him to soil his matching pocket square, would you? Come to think of it, this doesn't sound like the sort of fellow who wears a pocket square. Ah, well; ties have to be good for something. But whatever happened to the good old-fashioned man's handkerchief? Those are very handy things -- enough so that I often carry one myself.
DeleteMay I add: male nipple-twiddling? I always presumed it was because proffies are so alienated from our/their bodies that we/they are unconscious of doing things like that. But yeah, ew.
ReplyDeleteI've seen male junk-jostling, but never nipple-twiddling.
DeleteI'll admit to absentmindedly tugging a stray bra strap back into place on occasion, but my unconscious urge stops there.
@F&T: The body-alienation explanation rings true. Also, tenure might be a factor.
Delete@Matilda: If it's an unconscious urge, how do you know it stops there?
Never, ever, ever seen a proffie do these things. Students all the time.
ReplyDeleteYou say: If you don't stop mining for gold, I will blast your finger off with this pistol (produce the gun, then wrap your shooting hand around the grips and stick your finger inside the trigger guard.)
ReplyDeleteThat ought to cure them of that.
My only nosepicker was an intelligent, yet socially inept boy. He sat to the far left in the classroom. By the third week, it was just him there. The rest of the class had migrated to the middle and the far right.
ReplyDeleteSame experience with a "pick & flick" student. Not something I observe as rampant among faculty or staff.
DeleteSo THAT's who's caused this shift to the far-right!
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, I've been spelunking in my nose up to my wrists since I was a wee lad, it's got nothing to do with being a prof...
ReplyDeleteand I guess it doesn't matter a whit that it is my one and only vice [No alcohol, no drugs, no weird sex acts or desires, no nail biting, no groin readjustments, no ear wax collecting, no armpit scratching, no gum chewing], and I only go rooting for that which a series of strenuous nose blowing did not dislodge.
In private, please god let it be.
DeleteI just had another proffie leave my office after walking in, smacking all of his food and sucking his fingers. It was disgusting.
ReplyDeleteThe smacker just came in again. It's 5:31 and he wants to chat- all while smacking and slurping and gulping some drink. IT'S FUCKING 5:30!!!! I MUST BE BUSY OR I WOULDN'T BE HERE. YOU ARE GULPING IN MY EAR. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
Delete(thud)
Bubba is in a snit over snot. I can't blame him, though I haven't (thank goodness) witnessed much of this behavior myself.
ReplyDeleteI especially hate it whenever a job interviewee does this. Jeez, am I required to shake his hand?
ReplyDelete