No, not everyone.
Just you jagoffs running last minute hiring right now in English.
You pricks piss me off.
Listen, it's not my fault someone died or gave up or took a better job at Northern Buttfuck State College up the road. It sucks to be you, I suppose, but treat us last minute candidates like we deserve...we're here to save your fucking asses, and that means taking whatever shit classes you have left over that start in a fucking month!
One Skype interview I had last week ended with one ass telling me that they'd partly decide on the hire based on how "sure they could be" that the person they hired would be in town at least a week ahead of their mid August start date.
Uh, yeah. Count me in. I teach until Aug 8 this summer and I'd like to have time to have a cheese sandwich and some margaritas before I end up in your ass backwards town in West Virginia.
Oh, but I complain, and yet I'm also down on my knees to these assholes.
One phone interview I had this week was in 2 parts. The first was with the department chair and two members of the committee. The chair is kind of a big shit in his field, a lot of books, a lot of cred. And he was great. Then the committee was okay, too, one from the department and one from outside. I had a rollicking 45 minutes with them. Then the chair says, "Uh, there's one other committee member who wants to talk to you. We're going to transfer you to his extension."
And I'm like, well I have to pee, but I guess okay.
Then some silence, then an ad on the phone for a kid's summer camp that started in June and could parents please get their money in.
Click, buzz, new voice.
Guy: Hi, I wanted to ask you the same questions the committee asked. Could you try to give me expanded answers on each?
Me: Yeah, what the hell.
Guy: I would have been on the earlier conference call, but I've been told I'm sometimes a distraction and that I dominate conversations.
Me: Well, let's have it then. And pencil me in for any committees you're on, because I'm a bit of a slacker when it comes time to do the textbook picking.
Nah, I didn't say that last thing. I need a fucking gig so I smiled through the telephone wiremachine and gave him canned answers to his canned fucking questions.
And, during the lulls in my repartee, he told me enough bad shit about his colleagues to make me want to go to Bumblebee Kansas and kill all those motherfuckers to put them out of their misery.
But, I have another Skyper this afternoon. Gotta dress nice from the waist up. If I have pajamas or am just nude from the waist down, they won't know. Fucking love it.
Of course, they'll soon find out that's how I rock at office hours anyway.
Motor up, baby.
Jax
PS: I will report when I nail one of these gigs. Let the misery reign.
Oooh, Jax, you sound like a winner!
ReplyDeleteBut, seriously, my uni is hiring now, too, for a position that is effective August 1st. Crazy. We had someone leave a tenure line job in May, and we fought the Dean all this time to keep the line.
It was taken from us, though, and now we've got to fill it with a temporary person, who undoubtedly will be glad to have a completely shitty, unguaranteed position.
Fuck yeah Jax. Jump on here and join the misery. I'm in a completely different, non-humanities field but it sounds like every last minute search is run in the same ass-backwards fashion.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite are the jobs that (breathlessly) demand piles of documents (teaching evals, philosophies, startup costs, letters of reference, CVs) in the span of a one week deadline (Posted June 1, Due June 7th). Then you wait for a month with nothing, only to get a rejection letter (from the campus lawyer no less!) that says the search has been cancelled for budget reasons.
Get your shit together assholes. And I want my fucking month back.
Oy! Best of luck with the job(s) (if, that is, you actually want any of them -- yes, I know, beggars can't be choosers, but perhaps your skills are salable in other ways?)
ReplyDeleteI have to admit to a bit of schadenfreude every time I hear my TT colleagues talk about how much of the summer they spent interviewing to fill last-minute contingent positions. Because, you know, that's what happens when you rely too heavily on contingent faculty. The only problem is that I like and respect the TT colleagues involved, and know that they aren't the ones who made the decision to rely too much on contingents. Also, our curriculum seems increasingly to be shaped/standardized to accommodate last-minute hires, which isn't good news for those of us who consider autonomy and the freedom to experiment one of the few remaining perks of what is otherwise a thankless, underpaid, job.
As far as when you'll be in town, I'd feel free to lie, or at least leave yourself some wiggle room ("I'm willing to do my best, but I'll have to see when U-Hauls are available"). The most they can reasonably expect is that you be in town a day or two before classes start (in time to get your syllabi photocopied and/or access to the LMS set up, which is to your advantage), and that you warn them when you'll be incommunicado because you're moving. If they make a habit of this, they really ought to provide housing, at least for a month or two, but, of course, they don't have to do that, so they don't.
Yuck. Just make sure that, before you move, you've thought through what happens at the end of the year, when they hire someone else for the TT job (or the position is eliminated entirely). Where will you go, and what will you do, then? Will you have enough money left over to do it? Will you be wishing you'd just stayed wherever you are now and temped or tended bar or whatever? It's already quite clear that these departments are focused on their needs, not yours (and are probably dysfunctional to boot, which doesn't bode well for a search, or for wanting to be the "winner" in a search). So make sure you're planning for all eventualities, not assuming that getting a job, any job, in academia beats whatever other options you have available (or might be able to dream up).
I understand your frustration, but it's a buyer's market in the humanities, and if you interview for a TT gig at Bumfuck U, get it, and hate it, well, you have a job with a salary and benefits while you keep looking for another job somewhere else. This is the way things work, now.
ReplyDeleteI'm interviewing someone tomorrow for an adjunct gig in English on our campus. The job has been advertised for *months*. We have had VERY little in the way of qualified applicants, which probably has something to do with the fact that the pay isn't that great, though it does come with full benefits; it may also be due to the fact that it's in the middle of Bumfuck, Cheeseheadland. If the person is good, the person will start at the end of August. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
My commiserations, BC. This is the problem: though I'm happy to hear of any sign that the supply/demand balance in academia might be shifting even the least little bit, the people who end up suffering most immediately from any such shifts -- the students, the potential teachers, and the TT faculty at the lowest, most hands-on administrative level -- are never those who deserve to.
DeleteAlso, I'm pretty sure that, if they run out of willing Ph.D.s and M.A.s to work as adjuncts, the administrators will find some way to claim that college juniors and seniors are perfectly capable of teaching freshmen and sophomores (with, you know, the "oversight" of a Ph.D. instructor-of-record for accreditation purposes. This, as far as I can tell, is the format many administrators have in mind when they talk about "online education" -- a cast of thousands of students and hundreds of ill-paid TAs nominally overseen by a Ph.D. It's not what the online classes I teach look like, but the online classes I teach aren't cheaper to staff than comparable f2f ones at my university.)
"Also, I'm pretty sure that, if they run out of willing Ph.D.s and M.A.s to work as adjuncts, the administrators will find some way to claim that college juniors and seniors are perfectly capable of teaching freshmen and sophomores (with, you know, the "oversight" of a Ph.D. instructor-of-record for accreditation purposes. This, as far as I can tell, is the format many administrators have in mind when they talk about "online education" -- a cast of thousands of students and hundreds of ill-paid TAs nominally overseen by a Ph.D."
DeleteGOD HELP US ALL.
Actually the National Center for Academic Transformation (NCAT) recommends that juniors and seniors teach freshman classes. Really.
DeleteWhat the FUCK is the National Center for Academic Transformation. Transformation into what? Daycare?
ReplyDelete