Hello my Summer Class from Hell. You were the worst class I've had in nearly a decade. There were a few shining gems, but they were overshadowed by the mountain of shitbags that piled in around them.
I don't give a fuck if you took this subject in high school. I've talked to too many high school teachers who teach it, and it takes a lot of courtesy NOT to correct the ten errors I can catch in two minutes of talking to them. Really, their comprehension borders on atrocious, which means they teach atrocious errors to incoming classes like you. No, we're not doing extra credit paper mache or dioramas. This is college.
I'm sorry if you never realized that what you were being taught in high school was methods and ways of synthesizing materials, not something you deserved a cookie for doing. No, I'm not sorry. I'm pissed that you're this entitled. I bet you were a bratty and spoiled child. I bet you believe you shit rainbows and gumdrops.
Welcome to a department with standards. I am not persnickety about the grading; I followed the rules of Big Boss. If Big Boss was your instructor, you'd not dare to complain about it. Just because I'm thirty years younger and have boobs does not mean that I am any less fearsome than Big Boss.
You know what, fuck you. Summer session does not mean we go any easier on you, and frankly, if you can't read more than one hundred pages a week across all your classes, then you don't deserve to consider yourself college educated, even if you get a piece of paper after four years of milling around, buying Starbucks with you loan money, and drinking until you're blitzed every weekend.
I am all for education being accessible, but you are squandering your education. My class is nothing compared to a boss. Some jobs fire you if you show up late once. I have friends with those kinds of jobs; they show up early every day. I've had some of those jobs. You signed up for the class at Ass-Crack-O'Clock. I'm here on time. Get over yourselves.
Welcome to a department with standards. I am not persnickety about the grading; I followed the rules of Big Boss. If Big Boss was your instructor, you'd not dare to complain about it. Just because I'm thirty years younger and have boobs does not mean that I am any less fearsome than Big Boss.
You know what, fuck you. Summer session does not mean we go any easier on you, and frankly, if you can't read more than one hundred pages a week across all your classes, then you don't deserve to consider yourself college educated, even if you get a piece of paper after four years of milling around, buying Starbucks with you loan money, and drinking until you're blitzed every weekend.
I am all for education being accessible, but you are squandering your education. My class is nothing compared to a boss. Some jobs fire you if you show up late once. I have friends with those kinds of jobs; they show up early every day. I've had some of those jobs. You signed up for the class at Ass-Crack-O'Clock. I'm here on time. Get over yourselves.
You know what? I get zero sick days. Zero. No work, no pay. Welcome to the real world.
To my (very) few gems: thank you for being wonderful. I almost quit after the first week. I had my resignation letter written up and everything. Your willingness to learn and work made the rest of the session bearable.
Don't you wish you could have them sign off on actually reading this? Ah well, they wouldn't see it as having anything to do with themselves. Pour yourself a Scotch. You deserve it.
ReplyDeleteLoved it.
ReplyDeleteThe graphic was disturbing, but yeah, the kids should be beaten bloodily for their ignorance.
ReplyDeleteOh Moderator(s), I swoon over your near-perfect choice of graphics. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAs always, it was Cal. He says he's no longer working on the page, but he never seems to miss a trick...
DeleteLeslie K
I actually asked big boss once what he would do if I said I didn't have a computer, ride to school, etc and couldn't do my work. Would I still have a job? Obviously they said no but that did not stop them from wanting me to push through...I mean "accommodate" sad Sally who won't hold a job in the real world.
ReplyDeleteI actually asked big boss once what he would do if I said I didn't have a computer, ride to school, etc and couldn't do my work. Would I still have a job? Obviously they said no but that did not stop them from wanting me to push through...I mean "accommodate" sad Sally who won't hold a job in the real world.
ReplyDeleteSummer classes are a real joy. This summer I knew I was in for a special treat when, just twenty minutes into the first class, and ten minutes after delivering my if-you-text-just-once-you-fail-for-
ReplyDeleteparticipation speech, the student in the front row pulled out his iphone, laid it on his desk, and started diddling. In plain view--no attempt at lap-texting, or pocket-texting, or whatever.
The rest of the summer followed accordingly. My students felt that everything was open to negotiation ... because it was summer. "You should let us out early every day--it's summer." "The midterm should only be fifty minutes long--it's summer." "I don't understand why you have a tardy policy--it's summer." And the grade haggling was constant.
My midterm evaluations were much the same. The #1 complaint was the length of the class. Because it was summer, and because people have other things to do/other classes/jobs, I was told I needed to get with the program by starting class late and ending it early. Do these students ask their other professors or bosses for these kinds of accommodations? Do they ask to be let out early so they can get to my class on time? Well whatever, I don't care. I haven't gotten my official evaluations yet. Looking forward to reading them.
I taught a summer class once. Never again!
ReplyDeleteLet me guess: your field is history? In the sciences we get more mileage from sheer intimidation. My condolences!
In the humanities, but not history. It was the class from hell. When I have more time away, I will regale you with the tale of the student who added at the end of the first week who I overheard telling his friends right outside of my classroom that I was a "fucking bitch."
DeleteIt ruined my summer. I usually enjoy teaching summer session in my field, because the students typically are highly motivated or they drop after the first week.
The Last summer class I taught just barely was a "go" with 5 students. Their final grades: A, B, C, D, F. Three of them should have been Fs, but I graded what I got instead of just failing them for not doing work. The C was a C-.
Delete"thirty years younger and have boobs"
ReplyDeleteThese make you MORE fearsome to me.