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| "I am a friend to the duck." |
aka two days off).
She needed this time to play catch up
and to recover from a heck of a couple of weeks
with campus obligations requiring her to be at work
until at least 8 every night.
It was good to see her family for a little while.
She wonders about her life choices sometimes.
Especially when one of those shiny, new salary surveys comes out
and says her students with their not-yet-dry diplomas will,
once they find a job, make pretty close to what she does.
Fortunately, the semester starts back Monday,
and she'll be too busy for such existential questions.
I know this feeling.
ReplyDeleteI've been talking a lot lately about the role quality of life plays in our choices as academics. It seems to me that academics completely ignore quality of life -- those on the job market are forced to ignore it because of the desperation to find a t/t job, those who already have tenure because leaving and starting over takes so much sacrifice.
I wonder, why do we do it? What are we living for? When we die at the end of our days, what will we value, and what will we regret?
My sister had cancer a year ago, and she began changing her life immediately. She says no to gigs she dislikes (she's a musician) and she spends more time (and less money) with her kid. I don't want to wait for cancer before I start making choices for me instead of for a university that undervalues me.
But the step after that is difficult to see. It's a conundrum.
Well said. I've been going through the same thought processes myself the last couple of years. Quality of life becomes so important as one grows older, I find. My ambition and drive for my career has taken a back seat to smaller, simpler pleasures that have nothing to do with achieving anything.
Delete@Monkey and Cal: Amen.
DeleteA dear colleague of mine died a few years ago- just a year before he planned to retire. All I could think of was-"he almost made it..." It also reminded me that there are no guarantees. While I know not everyone has the luxury of not teaching in the summer, that was a conscious choice on my part to rethink my finances so I could enjoy the time I have with my loved ones while we are all still alive and healthy. Finding balance during the school year takes a lot more effort and awareness, as it so easy to get sucked into the academic vortex of constant need, guilt trips and martyrdom.
ReplyDeleteI find it difficult to figure out just how much I "should" be doing. There is what the students need, what I am paid to do, and what everyone else appears to be doing. Student need is endless, so be very wary of that trap. We have all figured out our hourly wage for any given week or semester, so most of us know there is a certain point where more is less. And while I'm sure I short-change my occasional colleague, I know there are lots of people who do a lot less and still get promotions, tenure and everything else. I feel like a fool for coming in at 8am and staying until 4:30 while my office mate comes in at 9:30 and leaves at 2:30 totally guilt free.
ReplyDeleteI took a huge pay cut when I started my "real" job. And I've never been happier. It's stressful. And as that guy said a couple of weeks ago, it still comes home with me. But the difference is... it comes home with my by choice. It's not literally required. Yeah, I think about stuff, I read technical papers at night, I calculate crap. But it's all because I want to do more and not because I have to do it before the next morning. I miss being able to take my kids out on a Tuesday right after school and I miss loading myself up with DayQuil with the understanding that I just have to power through a couple of lectures and can sleep in the next day. But other than that....
ReplyDeleteSomeone has to do what you do. There are rewards. If you've got the desire to make it work, keep trying. But if you can't take it anymore, find something else and do not regret it. There are rewards on this side as well.
I find myself focusing on the salary part of the picture these days: I'm actually reasonably happy with the job, and the work it entails, and not absolutely despairing about the hours (it probably helps that I don't have to do service, and am teaching mostly classes and assignments I've taught before), but it's just not paying me enough to keep finances from being a distraction (and I don't have expensive tastes, though I do live in an expensive area). According to recent surveys, I do make a bit more than our newly-minted recent humanities/social sciences graduates do (but substantially less than the nurses and engineers), but I don't have the option of living in my parents' basement.
ReplyDeleteI'm always conscious of this when student teachers ask for recommendation letters to teach at k-12 schools and I realize they'll be starting out at $10k more than I make... but I can't MAKE myself get credentialed to exchange college flakes for high school flakes. I just can't do it.
ReplyDeleteUntil I find the job that allows me to maintain at least the same schedule, I find my zen in the greasy bag of chips next to me on this couch.