This got me to thinking about what it would be like to teach an All Stars version of Introduction to Hamsters, full of all of the loudest and craziest students who didn't quite pass the class the first time around. I've been going through my Rolodex of previous students, and I think these would be the ones who would, for lack of better terminology, make the cut:
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| Here are your ALL STARS!!!! |
Awkward Arnold: Every single day, without failure, he showed up to class and did something or said something awkward. He told stories that had nothing to do with what we were discussing in class, and they weren't even interesting! He randomly stood up and walked around the room when we were doing group work. And he told me that he had been skipping the homework because he couldn't remember to do it on time, even though I showed him how to set a reminder on his phone. This is partially why he failed once, and it's likely going to contribute to his failing again.
My Way Malawi: Malawi strolled into the classroom ten minutes late, when she would show up at all, and took her special seat front and center. She spent twenty minutes trying to catch up on notes, and when everyone else started group work, she would ask me questions about the material she missed because she was so busy getting caught up with her notes. When I told her that she was required to purchase an access code for the online portion of the class, she had her counselor set up a meeting with the department chair to get her switched into a different section, so that she wouldn't have to purchase the access code and rely on the same book she had used the last three times she failed the class.
Sassy Sally: She showed up to class late every single day, huffing and puffing because she said she didn't have enough time to get across campus between classes. She called other students "honey" and "child" even when asked not to. Nobody wanted to work in her group because she were just too distracting, and I have to admit, I don't blame them.
Quirky Katie: I will never forget the time she came to office hours, farted quite loudly, and then said, "Oops, I tooted!" Nor will the other students who were there.
Self-Centered Cesar: Cesar emailed me on Monday evening to let me know that he couldn't make Thursday's final exam because he had booked a flight home for the holidays. I responded an hour later, telling him that he could take the exam on Tuesday instead because I was giving another exam then. I printed out a copy for him but he didn't show up. I got an email on Tuesday evening telling me that he didn't get my email in time, but he was free on Wednesday. When I told him I was going to be on another campus on Wednesday teaching a different class, he suggested I find someone else to proctor his exam. I suggested he find another flight. He didn't. He failed.
I Can't Even Think Of A Nickname In This Case: I'm not prepared to diagnose, but there must have been something going on with this guy. He would bang his head against the wall when he didn't understand something, and he was so aggressive that it was disruptive and frightening to some of the other students. Then whenever we had a break, he would curl up into a ball and fall asleep in the corner of the room. It's students like these that make me wish schools provided better professional development workshops.
Who would been in your All Stars class, and how much would they have to pay you to teach it?
- Stuck In Front Of A Chalkboard
You offered to let Self-Centered Cesar write the exam early? You're much nicer than I am. If they schedule a flight during the exam period, I tell them it's their own fault and give them an automatic zero if they don't show up. Maybe I shouldn't be so strict? :-|
ReplyDeleteThat was in my earlier days. I still let students take exams during different time-slots (when I'm already giving another exam), but they have to tell me weeks in advance and there has to be some reason that's better than they wanted to go home for the holidays earlier. Excuses I've taken have included being in the hospital for surgery, being out of town for a wedding (and telling me three months in advance), and having three exams scheduled sequentially on the same day (and then the student asked politely).
DeleteThe closer to the date of the exam, the fewer excuses I'm willing to take. The week before the exam, I tell them that unless they get hit by a bus on the way to the exam, there is no excuse to miss the exam.
That seems reasonable. :-)
DeleteLitigious Larry - always vaguely threatened "legal avenues of recourse" if I didn't see things his way. First, he didn't like that the makeup Xmas exam was 2nd day back from holiday, then he didn't like the date of the makeup-makeup 3 weeks later (bad weather cancelled the 1st date), then he didn't like the mark he got on the exam.
ReplyDeleteStudents that try to play the legal action card, race card, religion card, gender card, etc. are just admitting that they can't get by on their own virtues.
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DeleteI must be lucky or something, but I've never had a student threaten legal action or play the race, religion, gender, etc. cards. Perhaps part of that is teaching in a subject that's not too subjective.
DeleteI had a student just try to play the religious card because they missed a midterm this part Friday, which was the Muslim celebration Eid. I told them they were out of luck because the University's policy on this was quite clear in terms of notice WAY ahead of time. He claimed I was discriminating against him because of his religion, to which I said: "Several other students let me know weeks in advance that they were Muslim and might need to reschedule their midterm exam because of Eid, so there is no reason that you could not have done the same. Oh, and p.s., I'm Muslim too." Dumbass.
DeleteLast year I had a student making the same claim that he missed due to Eid. However, he made the mistake of saying that in class when he realized he had missed the test. I just sat back and watched as two Muslim students took him apart verbally.
DeleteOut-of-Sync Sammy: Always showed up to my office hours during the literal last minute I was running them, and then he was confused why I couldn't stay and help him. I explained nicely to him that the help occurs during that time, not if you show up BY that time, and that I had a class directly after my office hours. When I offered to set up private appointments for him, he agreed to send me an email to do so, never did so, and then on my evaluations said "He was never available for help outside of class." What a maroon!
ReplyDeleteNapping Nell: Comes to class late, and then puts head down on desk for a nap. Looks confused when she receives a 15 on the exam. Copied vast amounts from assigned article to use in her paper. Hs to be told to get a pencil out to complete quiz.
ReplyDeleteWhiny Winifred: blames me for her grade. "You are unclear and, so are your study guides. you'd on't understand I have to work, too." Does not make connection to absences and low grade.
Trainwreck Ted: has missed 3/4 of the term, but " you can't drop me because I need the financial aid." has, like whiny Winifred, a vast amount of excuses to explain the 3% Ted now has in the class. When he is there, he sleeps.
You should not be expected to deal with your last example, "No Nickname." S/he sounds like a danger to self and others.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised we don't find some of them eating crayons and Play-Doh in class.
ReplyDeleteFunny thing! One of my students accused me of one of those very activities on that other site.
DeleteI've had students eat the glue and paint. At least once per semester. Every year. Really. *bangs head on wall*
DeleteI have one who brings crayons to class and sucks on them until I ask her to stop. She doesn't eat them but sucks on them like they're lollipops (or phallic objects). It's gross.
DeleteI stand corrected. You have my sympathy.
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