This got me to thinking about what it would be like to teach an All Stars version of Introduction to Hamsters, full of all of the loudest and craziest students who didn't quite pass the class the first time around. I've been going through my Rolodex of previous students, and I think these would be the ones who would, for lack of better terminology, make the cut:
|Here are your ALL STARS!!!!|
Awkward Arnold: Every single day, without failure, he showed up to class and did something or said something awkward. He told stories that had nothing to do with what we were discussing in class, and they weren't even interesting! He randomly stood up and walked around the room when we were doing group work. And he told me that he had been skipping the homework because he couldn't remember to do it on time, even though I showed him how to set a reminder on his phone. This is partially why he failed once, and it's likely going to contribute to his failing again.
My Way Malawi: Malawi strolled into the classroom ten minutes late, when she would show up at all, and took her special seat front and center. She spent twenty minutes trying to catch up on notes, and when everyone else started group work, she would ask me questions about the material she missed because she was so busy getting caught up with her notes. When I told her that she was required to purchase an access code for the online portion of the class, she had her counselor set up a meeting with the department chair to get her switched into a different section, so that she wouldn't have to purchase the access code and rely on the same book she had used the last three times she failed the class.
Sassy Sally: She showed up to class late every single day, huffing and puffing because she said she didn't have enough time to get across campus between classes. She called other students "honey" and "child" even when asked not to. Nobody wanted to work in her group because she were just too distracting, and I have to admit, I don't blame them.
Quirky Katie: I will never forget the time she came to office hours, farted quite loudly, and then said, "Oops, I tooted!" Nor will the other students who were there.
Self-Centered Cesar: Cesar emailed me on Monday evening to let me know that he couldn't make Thursday's final exam because he had booked a flight home for the holidays. I responded an hour later, telling him that he could take the exam on Tuesday instead because I was giving another exam then. I printed out a copy for him but he didn't show up. I got an email on Tuesday evening telling me that he didn't get my email in time, but he was free on Wednesday. When I told him I was going to be on another campus on Wednesday teaching a different class, he suggested I find someone else to proctor his exam. I suggested he find another flight. He didn't. He failed.
I Can't Even Think Of A Nickname In This Case: I'm not prepared to diagnose, but there must have been something going on with this guy. He would bang his head against the wall when he didn't understand something, and he was so aggressive that it was disruptive and frightening to some of the other students. Then whenever we had a break, he would curl up into a ball and fall asleep in the corner of the room. It's students like these that make me wish schools provided better professional development workshops.
Who would been in your All Stars class, and how much would they have to pay you to teach it?
- Stuck In Front Of A Chalkboard