Friday, October 26, 2012

Job Search: This Is Not a CV**

Alex Gradflake
University of Beaker Ben
26 October 2012

Curriculum Vitae: Alex Gradflake

  • University of Beaker Ben, Underwater Basket Weaving (2007-2012)
  • University of Bean Ben, Hamster Fur Collection Minor (2009-20011)
  • Taught 3 courses as a T.A. and 1 course as a Lecturer
  • 3 years Research Experience
  • 4 Conferences Presented; 10 Conferences Attended
  • 3 awards
  • Knows Spanish
  • Plays softball

Please contact for References:

** Format inspired by a Real Live CV, submitted to a conference I organized by an actual PhD on the job market.



  1. Yes, I remember this student. I can vouch for her. She did play softball, so I'd say this CV is legit.

  2. I don't know anything about the Spanish part but she does speak fluent Klingon.

  3. I've seen one like this recently as well. I always thought one of the tests of graduate school was figuring out the rules on your own. Learning how to put together a CV isn't that difficult.

  4. When I was a grad student entering the job market, they sent me over to the professional development office to manage my portfolio. I gave them my CV and they said "You need to cut this down to one page."

    "No," I said, "I'm looking for a job in higher education, and they all require CVs."

    "This is too long for a CV," they said. "Employers want a snapshot."

    "No, they don't," I said. "In higher education, they want a full CV."

    The result? Every job I applied to got my CV and a shitty resume that the office of professional development attached to my portfolio whether I asked them to or not. I finally pretended to be an employer, stole my letters of recommendation from them (you couldn't request them), and managed my own portfolio. Then I got a job.

  5. Brevity! But was it slowpitch softball? Our team sucks and it'd be good to list your favorite position as well. (Softball position. I know this crowd.)