Since your mommy is not dressing you anymore, I look out my window and see that someone needs to give you a few rules to follow to look your age in a academic environment.
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| "Breezy, right?" |
2. If it is raining from 8-8:10 in the morning, I don't care how cute your froggie rainboots are, you should not be wearing them at 4:30 when it is the end of a mostly bright and sunny day. Also, if you are over 5, no froggie rainboots. I know, life is hard.
3. Crocs are not shoes that you should wear in public. This would be true for any shoes that you can clean in a dishwasher.
4. If you wear a button proclaiming you are 101% a member of a club here on campus, it does not make you look popular. It makes you look innumerate. This is not a good thing, especially combined with #1.
5. If your skirt is so short that you can feel the chair you are sitting on, it is probably sending the wrong message. It is also definitely not appropriate for the career fair (at least for most careers you go to college for)
6. Leggings are not pants, and should not be worn on their own with a cropped top unless you are actually at the gym. However, they can solve your problem in #6.
7. Iron. Look it up.
8. A school ball cap is not, in fact equivalent to washing your hair. Also, if you resort to this frequently and never wash the ball cap, it is just as bad.
Best,
Dr. Amelia
It is a sad commentary on our world that #3 needs to even be said.
ReplyDeleteI agree with most of these, except for the rainboot thing. If it's raining substantially when I leave in the morning, then I wear rainboots. I'm going to keep wearing them until I get home again. I'd really rather not carry around another pair of shoes all day, nor do I want to leave a pair in my lab or car, just so I can run and change when the sky clears and my boots become unacceptable.
ReplyDeleteAlso, my rainboots have a pattern on them. Not a particularly cutesy pattern, but still. I refuse to let academics suck all of the joy from my life.
Oh, and by "academics" I mean academia in general, not just people in academia (Though people do plenty of joy-sucking sometimes).
DeleteI WEAR CROCS IN PUBLIC!!! DAMN YOU PEOPLE! CROCS ARE COOL!
ReplyDeleteYou've just illustrated another advantage of pseudo-anonymity on this blog.
DeleteWhen The Doctor proclaims them cool, maybe we'll talk, until then, crocs are for river wading only.
DeleteCrocs are the only shoes I can wear comfortably. Certainly Crocs are not worse than 8-inch heels worn with short shorts.
DeleteWhile I do not do any of these things, I am a terrible dresser. Terrible. I use the level of color saturation rule to match my clothes, I appear frequently in patterned knee socks, and sometimes I even come to school with baby residue on my shirt. I thought that one of the few advantages of this job is that it's okay to look bad? Oh man, if that isn't true, maybe I should rethink this whole "professor" thing.
ReplyDeleteI think every campus needs a certain number of fashion disasters among the faculty. There are a few doozies here at Tuk U., and I'm glad they have found a home here. So maybe this is a double standard, but I'm not sure students can get away with it. We earn our right to fashion disasterdom by spending much of our lives pondering complex equations, Renaisance literature, or hamsters (or all three, consecutively or concurrently).
DeleteOh, and #6 seems to be a circular reference.
What's wrong with froggie rainboots?
ReplyDeleteSay what?
DeleteWhat's wrong with froggie rainboots?
ReplyDeleteSay what?
DeleteTo be honest, I could care less what they wear. I'm happy if they do some reading and give me decent ratings on my evals.
ReplyDeleteMy feelings exactly.
DeleteIf the majority my students would do the reading, participate in class discussion, and show a modicum of interest in being in the classroom, they could be wearing crocs with knee socks, leggings, and a pajama top for all I care.
I'm glad when their various zippers are up.
ReplyDeleteMy clothing misery at work is a colleague who is STILL wearing mandals even though it's 38 degrees out. At least the cold keeps the smell down...a bit.
Pajamas! They are wearing pajamas! And I don't mean those pajama-like things that are still best worn at home. I mean honest to goodness pajamas.
ReplyDeleteCome on, folks. ANYTHING is better than those tight, white pants and bikini bottom underwear on GUYS that were fashionable when we were undergrads. If one tried to run in those outfits, the big, ugly medallions that went with them would hit you right in the eye. And the big ol' platform shoes that went with them were even worse than Crocs.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I look back at the '70s, I wonder, what happened? Did the whole world go mad? No, it's easy to understand: the polyester fibers got up people's noses and affected their brains.
7. Iron? College students? Sorry, the last era when college students wore ironed clothes, I think they had servants to do it for them.
ReplyDeleteBut I'd submit:
9. Piercings. Maybe you think they make you look rebellious. No, just skeevy. On your nose, they look like dried snot. On your tongue or lips, they look like herpes sores. Those big thick plugs in your ears? When you take them out, the holes look like sphincters.
Eh. Whatever brings them a little joy. Here are my Rules Of Dressing An Undergraduate Student Body (or, on reflection, anybody):
ReplyDelete1. Don't dress like you're about to have sex with someone unless you actually are. (Hint: if, e.g., you are in class, you cannot be about to have sex with someone.)
2. Bathe.
3. Have fun. Froggie rainboots, big hair bows, leopard-print leggings with red stilettos, football shirt and a big green tutu - whatever gets you out of bed in the morning.