Monday, December 10, 2012

From the RYS archive: "I will not care more about my students’ education than they do...."


Just Because We Can...Here's Another Ten From Beautiful Beaker Ben.

I try to keep it funny and not get all wrapped up in my feelings. If I want to reflect, I’ll look in the mirror. Having said that, readers’ kind words about my previous posts warms my cold, analytical heart. Here’s a rare moment of introspection by yours truly, Beaker Ben.

Top ten mottos that keep me going and out of trouble.

10. I will not care more about my students’ education than they do.

9. I’m fortunate because most people making my salary in the private sector don’t get an office.

8. If an experiment goes wrong and I lose a couple of fingers, I can always become a theoretician.

7. Students are adults, despite all evidence to the contrary.

6. Don’t touch.

5. According to the second law of thermodynamics, we’re all doomed anyway so it doesn’t really matter if I finish grading those exams tonight.

4. Although students can be as worthless as a broke dick, they are still human beings.

3. The intellectual mind runs on coffee but it needs to be flushed out with alcohol periodically. Often.

2. Chemistry is a great racket: We are paid to make things people want but make a mess. We are paid to clean up the mess. We are paid to make things people want but make a slightly less noxious mess. We get paid to clean up ... It’s the circle of life.

1. You call it the Dumbest Generation. I call it job security.


OK, I am not Beaker Ben.  
He wrote these ten mottos.
Blame him.  Glorify him.


  1. Blame him. Glorify him.... Make him a grilled alpaca sandwich.

  2. Because I'm a terrible bitch, I want to note that this archival list, though great, is not appearing here on its anniversary, or semi-anniversary, or anything that makes any fucking scheduling sense.

    That is all,
    Leslie K

    1. Do we have rules about posting archived stuff like the rules for Thirsties? How much trouble will I get into if I post "Early Weekend Post from the Archives" with a left-aligned graphic? Not that I would ever do such a thing. I'm just wondering where the boundaries are.

  3. Ben, the last person to try all of those in combination was found underneath a glass bottom boat in Marathon, FL.

  4. Bubba, there is a lady present.


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