OK, contestants, give me a response that would provide the most misery for a student who asks the following question:
Student: Dr. Ben, when is our general chemistry final exam scheduled?
Think about this first and answer in the comments. If you want to see the truthful answer that I gave a student on Friday, click and drag your mouse over the next couple of lines. I've typed the answer in white lettering.
Answer: About four hours ago.
Thank you all for playing. Enjoy the home version of this game from Milton Bradley.
Life is one long examination.
ReplyDeleteYesterday.
ReplyDeleteOh, so close. Can I get partial credit for "close"?
DeleteYou get more partial credit than this student did.
DeleteCrap. I'm trying to read this on my stupid phone, and can't figure out how to change the font color.
ReplyDeleteThis is some misery but it's not mine.
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of person posts misery that's not his?
Ha. I had, "next semester, after you repeat the course." But yours is so much better--of course!
ReplyDeleteHey, I like that! It's more cruel than what I said. I don't think I could say that without a student complaining.
DeleteIt's irrelevant. You could get a perfect score and you'd still fail.
ReplyDeleteHow about a student who knew when the final was but walked into the wrong room and ended up writing the exam for the wrong section of that course? He was one of mine and I announced the correct time and place several times during the preceding 2 or 3 weeks. I also recall that the exam schedule had been posted on a bulletin board somewhere.
ReplyDeleteHe quickly realized his mistake and he sheepishly came to me after the exam was over, asking what was going to happen. I decided to let the instructor for that section mark it and that the result would be part of his final grade.
He passed.
That's sweet. Student happy, one less exam for you to grade, everybody has a laugh in the faculty lounge.
DeleteI had a very similar situation. I had a 1st year student realize, about an hour into an exam, that they were in the wrong exam hall ie. they were in a different section of the same course, given by a different instructor, which had 100% totally different material. She ran off to the other exam hall where the other section was writing. Afterwards, looking at her Scantron answers, I noted that she did better than the class average. I had two very different thoughts about this: (1) I wondered how well she would have done if she'd learned this material in the first place; (2) what was it about my exam such that someone could just walk in and score greater than a 65% on it?
DeleteI like all these answers, but I especially like the Secret Hidden Code from Beaker Ben. We need more of these!
ReplyDeleteSorry, Annie, maybe you should have sent away for the Secret Decoder Ring we all got.
Damn it. Off to eat some cereal so I can send in my box tops.
Delete"The final paper's due today?!"
ReplyDeleteBlah blah blah details written down and nagged at for weeks.....
Two hours ago, a student ran into me unexpectedly on campus. He asked me if I knew how he might get a copy of the book. The book we've been reading for six weeks, one chapter every week with another book. He wants to be able to read the book in time for the final exam.
ReplyDeleteThe final exam that is tomorrow at 8am.
Ah, yes, that. Sorry kid. You're fucked.
I'm gonna be giggle snorting about this one all night! That's fabulous, AM. Please let us know how his little self does on that final.
DeleteOne of my classes gave final presentations last week. One particularly Flakey McFlake, who has been nothing but a writhing bag o' entitlement and excuses all term, asked to go first. It was clear that s/he wasn't even close to the mark. As the other students presented, I could sense s/he realized hir level of enscrewedness.
ReplyDeleteAfter class, s/he approached me and asked if s/he could re-do hir project, flesh it out a bit.
Of course, I replied. But do give me this version right now. Why? s/he inquired. Because it's the version I'm going to grade, I sweetly replied.
But- but-- you said I could re-do it! S/he howled.
And you can, I said. But I'm not going to grade it.
"It" being the re-do, of course.
DeleteI had a twerp in one course who decided to do some grade-grubbing after the final exam, as I recall, when he finally realized he was in serious danger of flunking. It was all my fault, of course.
DeleteHe skipped most of my lectures because I didn't make them "interesting" enough for him or some such thing. Since he was frequently absent, I assumed--quite foolishly, as it turned out--that he either copied a classmate's notes or learned the material on his own somehow. Just how well he learned it was shown in his exam results.
There were 2 lab sessions in the course, the second one being worth more than the first because there was more work involved. He didn't like the grade he got on his, but he earned it because an important block of data was missing. He contended that I had to *remind* him about it as if I was his mommy. Sorry, kid, you're an adult now. Take your lumps like the grown-up you want me to believe you are, accept your grade, and move on.
I said that if I reviewed my grading of that lab report, it wouldn't make much difference as his result wouldn't change. Instead, I told him I would give it to the colleague with whom I shared an office and that his assessment would be final. That way, the report would be re-examined but free of any bias I might have had.
My colleague and I had some minor disagreements on how the marks were assessed but we came to the same final result. The kid was out of luck.
But he dug himself an even deeper hole by throwing a temper tantrum and subjecting me to a volley of 4-letter words. His indiscretion was overheard by our assistant department head and, thereby, earned an appointment in his office.
I don't remember what happened after that, but I never had him in any of my courses again. He was out of my hair for good.
I'd like to respond that school has been out for two days. Why are they still here. But that's probably not believable. I loved the hidden answer!
ReplyDeleteSweet reply indeed.
ReplyDelete(meaning Annie's reply to her student)
Delete