This weekend I became the first 50+ year old man to finish all of the 19 Twilight movies. (I think I saw 19 of them. At least it feels like it.)
I was Team Edward all the way, so I'm a winner! That other guy turned out to be a fucking dog.
AND, on a nearly inconsequential extra credit assignment I had a student turn in a Twilight essay that she - wait for it - STOLE off the internet. YAY!
Here's part of it!
Isabella Swan is a character in Twilight. Bella is very ordinary and plain. She is seventeen years old. Edward Cullen, in contrast, is a vampire described as being anywhere from a Greek God to a chiseled masterpiece. He comes from an extremely wealthy family. Edward has lived for over one hundred years. He is described as being a "vegetarian vampire," living off animal blood instead of human blood. Bella moves from Phoenix, Arizona to Forks, Washington. This is where she meets Edward Cullen. Despite him being cold, and rude to her, she is drawn to him.
Edward displays stalking tendencies towards Bella. He sneaks into her bedroom at night to watch her sleep. When Bella discovers that Edward has watched her sleep for months she is neither alarmed nor concerned. Edward is a mind reader, and can read anyone's mind but Bella's. In order to keep tabs on Bella, he reads her friends minds.
Jesus, Cal. Did you watch them all at one time? Did someone make you? Wife? Daughter?
ReplyDeleteThere has to be a hall of fame for your somewhere for doing this.
I think you could write a killer song about Twilight.
ReplyDeleteYou mean, a song written by a killer? I think I'd take a few people out along with myself if I had to watch them. Hiram's idea of watching all the movies at once would probably blow my mind but it is a more efficient use of time.
DeleteIt's a story of a sparkly vampire,
DeleteWho was chewing on some very lovely necks,
When a surly looking girl caught his fancy
He stalked her all the time.
Annie Oakley: perfect! now set in a minor key!
DeleteSomeone convinced me that the first movie was laced with cynicism, black humor, and irony, which were all but invisible to anyone but those trained to deduce cynicism, black humor, and irony.
ReplyDeleteThat person was wrong. There was zero cynicism, black humor, and irony. Just moon-eyed sparkly vampires leaping around in trees. I hate my own gender sometimes.
I wish it were laced with something stronger than sparkles; I could have used something hallucinogenic!
DeleteYou must love your wife very, very, very, very much. Or you have stalker tendencies towards Twilight movies? I stole that from an essay on Twilight from the internet.
ReplyDeleteI was never interested in the books. We bought the dvd for my daughter, and I tried to watch it with her but fell asleep in the first five minutes (not my norm!).
ReplyDeleteThen, last summer, the unthinkable happened. I was sick. There was not much to read in the house. My kindle was out of juice. The first book was there within reach, and I just felt too sick to get up....and....and....I read it. I devoured it. I really enjoyed it, but felt a little sick afterwards.
Last Thanksgiving at my younger sister's, I noticed that she had a copy of the first book on her kitchen counter. I picked it up and started to read. After 2 pages, I had to stop because I was afraid my eyes might roll right out of my head.
ReplyDeleteThen I discovered http://reasoningwithvampires.tumblr.com/ and my world was complete.
BurntChrome, thanks for that link. I'll be using that to grade procrastinate the whole week!
ReplyDelete