Monday, July 29, 2013

Top Ten

Damn, it's been a long time since I did one of these (no, I'm not talking about undergrads this time).  It's a top ten list!  I was inspired by R and/or G's comment here.  Blame him.

Top Ten Ways that College Misery Could Jump the Shark

10.  We all awaken, realizing that it was only a bad dream!

9.  In a near-seamless transition, moderators replace Hiram with Matt Damon.

8.  Strel joins the Marines.

7. College Misery is rebranded as “CM 84408”.  Blog moderators producers force all regular correspondents to take on the personae of young, hip Mormon college students.

6.  CM gives up on the complaints of old professors and enlists the professors’ children to describe their own minor inconveniences and annoyances in the new CM: The Next Generation.

5.  Beaker Ben is pregnant.  With twins.

4.  Moderators recruit young women to post their sexual fantasies involving Beaker Ben.  (OK, maybe we could try this once.)

3.  With ad revenue sagging, CM bloggers embark on a summer of criticizing the dining hall food at Historically Black Colleges and Universities with funding from Paula Deen.

2.  For one semester, CM doesn’t feature any posts from colleges campuses.  Instead, everybody takes a sabbatical in Hawaii.  (Never mind the sex fantasies, let’s try this.  I’ve never been to Hawaii.)

1.  College Misery in 3D, although it’s still just a text-based blog.


  1. I kind of already think of College Misery as being in 3-D. The graphics jump out in that kind of way.

    And congrats, Beaker Ben. Twins. Wow. :o) I look forward to the plot twists this will bring as we wait to see what the twins will be named. "Duck" and "Alpaca" are already taken, as are any royal baby names. "College" and "Misery" just seems too obvious.

    And any sexual fantasies I used to have about you are now taken up with images of your pregnant with twins. Just sayin'.

    The compound moves from Utah to Hawaii? That sounds worthy of at least a few hits. Getting 'lei'd' is always appealing.

  2. I put on my speshul 3D glasses, and nothing happened to the page. The graphics department should get on this.