Saturday, August 24, 2013

In Defense of August

Everyone seems down on August this year. I can't fathom why. Oh, I've read the articles. It seems like a whole lot of pissing and moaning. Here are 10 reasons why I love August, all of which you will undoubtedly reject and destroy when you should be out enjoying this august month*:

1) It is the peak of summer**, when the warmth reaches 80 degrees and you're used to it enough to enjoy it. It's less DEATH HEAT of July and more of a gentle warmth.

2) The plants that were scrawny in May and June are in full bloom glory, with bushy green leaves and flowers on every lawn.

3) Most of us are still on "vacation" for August, joined by half of Europe. Sure, we're working, but for most of August we don't have to teach that 8am class yet or crush on the highway/trains/buses for the morning commute.

4) The school year start has either just begun or is just around the corner. You have not yet been shut down by snowflakes, administrators, and colleagues. Search Committees have not yet defeated you. Hell, you might still be doing your "this year, I'll work out 4 times a week, between lectures!!" routine (this will stop well before October). You are excited! Or at least less disillusioned!! You are only drinking for fun and not for desperation.

5) Enough of the year has gone by that it's essentially a middle point: August is a perfect month for reflection. And more to the point, you have the choice of the summery wheat ales still around, or the early release of all the Ocktoberfest brews. Perfect timing.

6) Enjoying the last of the summer bbqs.

7) The feeling of summer's soon end motivates you to actually go check out that city festival or visit the state fair or see the seaside.

8) Leos throw killer birthday parties. For me personally, I have about 10 Leos in my close group of friends, so August tends to be a great party month every where.

Helpful tip: If you do not know any Leos, either a) go make more friends or b) pretend that you are a Leo. No one checks your ID when you announce "I'm celebrating my birthday!!" They usually respond by giving you a free dessert or glass of champagne and then going into the back and mocking you for being a grown-ass person going around celebrating their birthday like you just turned 9 years old or something. Watch them giggle and drink your free champagne like a champ.

9) Mich Fest

10) Halloween candy is out. For Halloween. Halloween. The candy expires before Halloween. So you just have to eat it and buy some more later. You can only do this in August. September candy will still be good by October 31.

I love the last dregs of summer. April is the cruelest month. February is truly miserable. But August? Give me some more.

* Yes. I used august in a post about August. It was terrible and you should shame me for it.
** Post obviously written with my Northern Hemisphere bias. Aussies / Kiwis et al, please replace "February" with "August."


  1. You'll get no complaints from me. August is fast becoming my favorite month. I love it.

  2. Here's the shit (I am soooo drunk, right now, plz forgive my inability to type, holy shit gni has buffutcloakdds of alcohol, I didn't know) -- anyway, I fucking luv tudents, seriously, really, students rare kind of awesome, with their constantly deer--in-headlihts shit. It's admin I hate. students -- fuck, be stupid for all I care, lo, dudes, like, Aristotle, like, love shitshit, man, that's what gives me a boner.

    Holy cow, hiw much alcohol in in gin, anyway? Seriosly.