Monday, August 26, 2013

Real Goddamned Mail. Math Edition.

Email 1: 
I know you're all humanists and mostly concerned with students' feelings, but the recent graphic for a linked article (won't you give up those, BTW), contains a simple math error. 86+24=110, not 100. Sure, it's a small thing, and you're all so busy and all, but whenever we post something on the page it should be as good as it could be. I only write this because I sent in a correction earlier and the item wasn't changed. So ignore me some more if you must, but I wanted this on the record.

Reply:
The joke may not be very funny, but it only works if the girl in the graphic - and you know she's not real, right, she's just a poorly rendered image of a student - gets the math wrong. The joke - okay, it's not much of a joke, but I did it at 5 in the morning - relies on her being stupid enough to not be able to add - or subtract, I guess - the number properly. If she KNEW it was actually 76 and not 86 that completed the 100%, then she might indeed be smart enough to be ready for college, even some second rate state school. But, I heard you the first time, and didn't "correct" the graphic because I intended the math to be wrong, as part of the joke - and, sure, it's not much of a joke, but how much did you pay to see it, while we're at it.

Email 2:
I don't understand the sidebar stats. Are you saying that more than 6 million people have viewed this page? There's no way that's happened. I only see a few people who post or comment, and I'd guess there might be 60 or 600. Or is it because everyone who reads it presses refresh so many times? I suspect all the stats are made up anyway, but you've featured it so I feel comfortable calling you on it. And I don't see 4000 posts. It looks like there are only 90 posts this year. Are you saying you've been posting articles for that many years? You'd have to have been online since 1970 for there to be that many. Oh, and 100 million seconds? Who tells time that way? It's a big number, I guess, but it's useless because it's given without context. Just post the emails and leave the numbers alone. Someone with your math skills are best left to fingerpaint.

Reply:
Uh, I don't know where to start.

20 comments:

  1. What? No one complaining that their entry got pushed below someone else's? That's a amazing! That's as good as 86+24=110... which I thought was brilliant to show how math skills were the lowest on the ACT (...duh...).

    Can we also add the number of criticisms the Mods receive daily in the sidebar stats, as well as the number of people with absolutely no fucking sense of humor (which likely leads to no fucking, but that's just my theory)?

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  2. Cal, I loved the joke. Then again, I'm among those high-brow readers who can do math, read and get a good joke when I see it. I hate to say that I'm elite in that way but, yeah.

    For the second email,
    "This blog is our way of sharing the progress of our federally funded grant to build a fence, protecting our southern border with New Mexico. Our reasoning is that if people don't want immigrants from the old Mexico, the ones from New Mexico can't be much better. So far, our fence is over 4000 posts long. It's pretty effective, given that immigrants have hit it over six million times and it's still standing. Of course, we had to hold many community meetings before we started in order to make sure that people supported this project. Our crew works out in the desert putting up the fence and they get quite an appetite. Our cook estimated that he's served 100 million meals with every single person always coming back for more. Thus, 100 million seconds. They are a talkative work crew so 50,000 comments would be reasonable for them."

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  3. I want someone to know that I noticed that goddamned left-aligned image that went with the last unsolicited advice column. I put it on the right side, the correct side, where it BELONGS, and someone put it on the left side. WHAT IS THIS, RUSSIA?? And I noticed it and I didn't say a word because then you'd win and if I say something about it then you get to do a frolicky dance of victory.

    Oh wait. Damnit.

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    Replies
    1. Oh yes, I did that, AM. There was a spacing issue that I wasn't happy with, and that little preamble of yours happened to be a good size to offset the graphic.

      I know I've gone apeshit with Ben and others about the left-alignment, but Jesus it worked nicely THAT ONE TIME...LOL.

      Cal

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    2. It wouldn't be a rule if there wasn't an exception.

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  4. Somedays, Real Goddamned Mail terrifies me.

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  5. Real God-damned mail METH edition?

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  6. Re Email1: Sure, I believe that Cal can add 26 + 84 = 110. Yup. OK. Sure. Right. No doubt about it.

    Re Email2: As Rutherford told a student, "If you need statistics in order to understand your experiment, you ought to have done a better experiment."

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    Replies
    1. Note to self:

      Re Email 1: Obviously I don't believe that.

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    2. This comment has been removed by The Avatar of Frod.

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  7. My exact responses to the math joke, in order:

    1) Ha! Subtle. Nice one.

    2) I'd bet a farm full of alpacas that there will be bags full of Real Goddamn Mail pointing out the "error."

    3) Sigh heavily.

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  8. I bet e-mail 2 came from some dumbass student insulted by the fact that we don't all love every little snowflake and that he wrote that e-mail in class.

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  9. The joke was tea-partying awesome. Cal, I you tea-partying rock!

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