But because you've been such a good employee over the years, your school's administration has convinced the aliens to let you request a job transfer within the college. (Don't worry about taking someone else's job; because of the resulting alien-human hybrids created by the invasion, enrollment is way up!)
Now, tread lightly with the wording and the reasonableness of our request, because the team of alien ombuds is a bit unpredictable. If you really don't have what it takes to become the coach of the football team, then they'll eat you or harvest your organs. (On their planet our organs can be used as an emulsifier in pet food.)
Q: You have a total of 90 seconds for your pitch. What do you say? What else can you do?