Two weeks ago, I shared a situation wherein our department's beloved Conan the Confused had been accused by an individual in our building (but not in our department) of creating and perpetuating a hostile work environment. This baffled most of us because Conan has seemed so harmless in all the years we've known him.After all of the interviews and meetings, Conan tells me that because he often tends to do a combination shuffle-mumble-ramble-cackle, in any conversation, this individual became convinced that Conan has been deliberately mocking this other individual's awkward gait. Not only this, but the individual claimed that Conan has deliberately been mumbling and rambling in hir presence to mock the fact that this individual is hard of hearing (none of us knew this; s/he has never told anyone that we can tell of being hard of hearing). [I have changed the actual conditions, but it's similar enough to what I've written here].
We have been 'forbidden' by HR to confront or even speak with this other person about Conan the Confused and OUR total confusion that anyone could be so insecure as to assume that someone else exhibiting 'different' behavior was automatically mocking them.
Conan has been instructed to attempt to avoid this person as much as possible (well, no, duh?!!). The other individual has been mandated to seek therapy and Conan has been recommended (by our chair, not HR) to at least pursue a diagnosis of any possible disabilities or conditions that may contribute to his overall confused state of being.
Thanks, all, for your advice. Conan now has a mediator as his legal representative, and we all have his back.
I don't get it. Why should Conan have to seek anything?
ReplyDeleteBefore I try to explain: did you read the original post?
DeleteI didn't mean that facetiously: I just didn't want to explain more unless you were asking for clarification b/c the first post wasn't clear...
DeleteAnd I'm used to asking students this before I go into a long explanation of something when it becomes evident that the reason they don't understand isn't because they don't understand that day's reading; it's because they didn't read in the first place.
Delete@EMH I think the chair is helping Conan here. If Conan can associate whatever antics in his behavior to a diagnosed condition, further attack from the other faculty member would transgrede in Conan's rights as a disabled person.
DeleteI got it. It just didn't sink in with me that there was an earlier, even though it's quite obvious (the bourbon was really good).
DeleteSomething about this just doesn't seem right to me, and I can't help feeling suspicious for Conan.
Thanks for the update!
ReplyDeleteSounds like good news to me. I hope the accuser's therapist will have long talks with hir about the phenomenon of projection, which causes a consider amount of the sort of trouble with human relations that leaves one scratching one's head. The accuser is probably feeling pretty miserable about hirself to attack Conan in this way, but it's still inexcusable to attack others as a way of trying to lessen one's own pain (also, it doesn't work).
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm glad Conan is being encouraged to at least explore what's going on. And I hope he finds a sympathetic, supportive therapist who can help him explore options without assuming he wants to make any changes at all (he does, after all, sound entirely functional in the ways that matter to him, and to his employer, and there's a lot to be said for if it ain't broke don't fix it).
How strange. You must work in close quarters. I see three or four people in the department on any given day, and maybe one closely enough that "mumbling" could be heard. Clearly the accuser is the one who needs therapy here. Also strange that this isn't over yet, and that HR has created conditions to isolate the accuser. (I can't imagine coming close to this person after hearing this story.) As for the Chair recommending Conan get a diagnosis: I think that's the Chair protecting him/herself, by being able to write an official document that gives the impression of not taking sides.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for the update. I owe the blog an update on my own "haggling over grades" story, but that's still in progress. Administrators don't have deadlines to react to anything, so they just sit on it until everyone forgets. Or to have some sort of Damocles sword.
We are in pretty close quarters (our building used to be a Music practice building so each office is big enough to house a small upright piano and not much else). It also means, however, that we are well sound proofed. This means that we have to shout for others to hear us unless we go into the halls).
DeleteJust a minute. I did do the reading, and I want to second EMH's sentiment: Why should Conan have to seek anything? It is not obvious to me that he did anything wrong whatsoever.
ReplyDeleteConan DOESN'T HAVE TO do anything. He's been told it's in his best interest to avoid this individual because this individual is obviously unstable, and any further interaction between the two of them could simply escalate. That's just common sense. Prior to this, Conan interacted fairly regularly with this other person without realizing that this person obviously had a problem with him (we all have interacted fairly regularly with each other). So the only thing he's been told is to try to not initiate contact with this other individual until further notice. Conan was told that the other individual is mandated to seek therapy, at the least (whatever the other person is being required to do beyond that has not been shared with us), and that his part in all of this should be to simply avoid the other person if he can.
DeleteIn the interest of making sure that Conan isn't being discriminated against (if he, for example, does end up being diagnosed with Aspberger's, or some other condition, he would be protected from complaints such as this), the chair recommended that he talk with our DSS staff to get a referral to see if perhaps some underlying condition causes his inability to function. He is pretty sure he struggles with executive function skills.This is NOT a condition of his continued employment. No one has mandated that he do anything but continue to be himself. Our chair simply told him that if he wants to further protect himself, in the event that someone else complain about him, he might want to see if some underlying condition renders him unable to function in life. Given that he cannot seem to recall where he parked his car, or how to get out of the parking lot once he does find his car (today he followed me off campus and waved merrily once he realized that the "maze" of the parking lot is less of a "maze" and more of a "square," we think something other than simple absent-mindedness is going on. But Conan isn't being REQUIRED to do anything.
In fact, if Conan chooses never to be diagnosed, life will go on.
OK then, I hope that Conan chooses never to be diagnosed. This whole mindset that thinks he should be worries me. If Conan does not conform to someone's ideals of whatever, he must be "sick," no doubt with prescriptions to "fix" his "problem" awaiting. It reminds me of the Twilight Zone, or a Ray Bradbury story: the nonconformist cannot possibly "fit in" or be "happy" in "society," so we will "fix" him, no matter what. It's all for his own good, even if after the treatment, he'll no longer be Conan.
DeleteIf this new person hadn't turned out to be psycho, no one would have even thought to tell Conan to protect himself. But in a litigious setting, any ammo one can use for this might be helpful to him. He has always fit in to our campus, and will continue to do so, regardless of whether he decides to pursue a diagnosis. Overall, if there were meds to help him at least not get lost on campus, I'm sure his life would improve. I am pretty sure he has some spatial-inability thing (i.e. he still gets lost after many years on a very small campus), but he's learned to just ask for help, and people willingly offer it.
Deletehe's learned to just ask for help, and people willingly offer it. By this description, one could argue that his difficulties with direction, whatever the source, actually have a positive effect on campus community (well, as long as he isn't also driving absentmindedly onto pedestrian walks in his quest for the parking lot exit or into the campus pond or whatever. That would be less positive.)
DeleteHe seems ok once he's on his way, and if he's not, I suspect he stops to ask for directions. ;)
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