Well, let me ask you: what did the fox say?Here at The Sanctuary we had a fox -- a mangy, hungry little fella that was distressing the abnormals that inhabit The Sanctuary. One of our higher ranking employees was tasked with the unpleasant job of seeing to it that the fox did not disturb the inhabitants ... ever again. He did his job and was called before the Council to update everyone on the situation.
Highest Council Member: Ranger Norris, has the fox been apprehended?
Ranger Chuck Norris: Yes, he has been apprehended. As of 14:00 yesterday, Animal Control captured the suspect. His rights were read to him, but rather than remain silent he did confess to harassing tenured faculty, raiding garbage cans, and digging holes.
(* Note: Other sources tell us that the fox chased Animal Control all around The Sanctuary before turning himself in. This is probably because Ranger Chuck Norris was not directly involved in the capture of the suspect . Nothing chases Ranger Norris. *)
Highest Council Member: Is the suspect still alive?
Ranger Chuck Norris: I was told that he was relocated to a more suitable habitat after he left my immediate custody. He was not executed.
Not as High Council Member: Aren't they supposed to quarantine those things before they let them loose?
Ranger Chuck Norris: I cannot account for what happened to the fox after he left my immediate custody. I was told, however, that he was relocated to a more suitable habitat.
Highest Council Member: What about the mangy raccoon?
Eldest Council Member: Most raccoons in this area have distemper.
Highest Council Member: This raccoon had mange. Its fur looked awful, and had things crawling in it.
Eldest Council Member: Most raccoons in this area have distemper.
Highest Council Member: This thing has mange.
Eldest Council Member: Most raccoons in this area have distemper.
Ranger Chuck Norris: If there is a raccoon, I will see to it that it is apprehended.
Eldest Council Member: Most raccoons in this area have distemper.(* A series of death statistics for raccoons follow. *)
The Wise One: OK, guys, enough about wildlife. We need to get back to the agenda for our High Council meeting.
The Young One: But I want to talk about raccoons and foxes...
Your own Dr. Magnus had nothing to add to this conversation. However, had their been a motion to continue discussing local wildlife issues, she would have seconded that motion. This has left me with a quandary, however. The fox was said to confess to his crimes ... let me ask you: what did the fox say?
Two possibilities a) a metaphorical composite carried beyond the referential horizon; b) tequila + pills (lotsa)
ReplyDeleteNothing. It exercised its right to remain silent. Which is more than some Council Members are able to do.
ReplyDeleteNothing. It exercised its right to remain silent. Which is more than some Council Members are able to do.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing your college isn't downtown anywhere.
ReplyDeleteHey -- yeah, this is THE fox. I'd like to clarify a couple of things, too. I was chasing those animal control guys BEGGING them to take me off that crazy campus before my IQ dropped any lower. Second, this is what I certainly DID NOT say:
ReplyDeletehttp://youtu.be/jofNR_WkoCE (Ylvis needs his meds changed, guys).
So, what did I say? I ain't telling.
I read through the whole post once assuming that 'fox' and 'raccoon' were part of our traditional lorem-hamstersum CM cant and was trying to figure out what the hell the OP meant. Couldn't figure out whether an unstable student has gone bonkers or, oh. . . a FOX!
ReplyDeleteAt least it wasn't a lemur....
DeleteAnd let me add this criticism: The metaphors used in this post made the whole post meaningless.
Why share a story where you refuse to reveal even the SLIGHTEST details as to what the fuck you want to share?!?!!??
#CMFAIL
Other than that how did you like it?
DeleteThe_Myth ... I am sorry you didn't like the story. It had no metaphors ... unless it was changing someone's name to Chuck Norris. You do know who Chuck Norris is, right? And you haven't heard of the song "What Did the Fox Say?" Oh well. Peace, dude.
DeleteNow I'm wondering ... are you the raccoon expert at my uni?????
And thanks, College Misery. I'll make sure my next post is more academically acceptable. Maybe I need a sexy picture like Kimmie! I gotta find a better picture of Magnus.
Meow. What have you got against Kimmie? That was really sort of mean.
DeleteSometimes a fox is just a fox and Kimmie is definitely a fox.
DeleteGood one, Ben!
DeleteI'm sorry, so was it a real fox, or is this a metaphor I'm just missing? If it's a real fox, it sings! I've seen it singing in the woods!
ReplyDeleteI've never been more baffled. I thought I was an insider, but this goes way past me. I'd love to know what it means.
ReplyDeleteIs it too obvious for me to at least tell people to google the song "What does the fox say?" for some entertainment?
ReplyDeleteThank you, Contemplative Cynic.
DeleteYikes, people! There is no metaphor, no symbolism, no hidden meaning in this. I was in a meeting where an inordinate amount of time was spent discussing a REAL fox loose on the campus. I was inspired by the hilariously serious way one of the uni administration dealt with, along with how one of the older participants in the meeting loved saying raccoons have distemper. Its just a funny story, you guys.
ReplyDeleteMy next post will be full of symbolism, hamsters, snowflakes, and maybe a hidden insult for grumpy old The_Myth.
And have none of you heard of the song, "What Does the Fox Say?"
Can we make it a competition to see how many of us "get" the metaphors?
DeleteI thought SURELY, there must have been a fox on campus for this to occur. And the ensuing discussion is pretty hilarious. NO ONE MENTIONED THE RACCOONS!
Apologies for starting a series of comments that went nasty, didn't get the reference -- hey, I didn't grow up in English!
DeleteMe, neither, French Professeur, but I think, in this case, the idea that we didn't grow up speaking Fox would probably help. ;)
DeleteFrench Professeur ... I liked your comment just fine. I must admit that during the preparation of this post there was physician prescribed medication involved. :)
DeleteI've never heard of the song (I tend to be popular music illiterate, a bit better on vintage show tunes, and quite good on hymns, anthems, cantatas and the like), but I took the post as a story about a actual wild canine on campus. This either proves that I'm in the right field (hey, I'm an English professor; I can tell whether metaphors are present or not!), or the wrong one (what English professor worth her salt reads on a purely literal level?).
ReplyDeleteI'll also admit that I don't know who the original Helen Magnus was until I googled it just now, but did have some sense that there are literary allusions in Dr. Magnus' posts that I'm missing (maybe more proof that I'm in the right profession?).
Oh, and I enjoyed the post, Dr. Maganus (and got the Chuck Norris reference, and enjoyed the appearance of the fox in the comments).
I've never heard of the song (I tend to be popular music illiterate, a bit better on vintage show tunes, and quite good on hymns, anthems, cantatas and the like), but I took the post as a story about a actual wild canine on campus. This either proves that I'm in the right field (hey, I'm an English professor; I can tell whether metaphors are present or not!), or the wrong one (what English professor worth her salt reads on a purely literal level?).
ReplyDeleteI'll also admit that I don't know who the original Helen Magnus was until I googled it just now, but did have some sense that there are literary allusions in Dr. Magnus' posts that I'm missing (maybe more proof that I'm in the right profession?).
Oh, and I enjoyed the post, Dr. Maganus (and got the Chuck Norris reference, and enjoyed the appearance of the fox in the comments).
How did I miss this?! (It's the weekend, that's how.)
ReplyDeleteAnyway... I saw a fox on my campus Thursday night. It really didn't say anything, but it did take a step or two my direction before it realized I didn't have a squirrel or rabbit for it.
When I was in grad school we were all terrorized by scroungy looking black squirrels. I am sure the administration spent a large amount of time talking about them, but naturally, nothing ever came of their talk and the squirrels still rule the campus. It's the only place I've ever seen black squirrels, but I hear they exist elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteHmm, Bella. Either we went to the same grad school, or there's more than one campus with black squirrels.
DeleteMaybe black squirrels like to eat grad students?
DeleteNo, there's only one campus with black squirrels. On the banks of the Delaware-Raritan canal.
DeleteI've seen black squirrels on a second campus within the last month, and I'm 80% sure I spied them at another about 20 years ago; the three campuses are within daily commuting distance. These squirrels weren't necessarily mangy as Bella describes, but they appeared the same as those you might encounter on a stroll from, e.g., Magie to Dickinson. Perhaps they have figured out the Dinky.
ReplyDelete