Wednesday, November 6, 2013

In which Bella gets a Request from Mike's Mommy

"Inner City Community College, This is Bella Tenant" I said, as I answered the phone.   I have never really come to a standard for answering the phones, I admit, and today, the receptionist's mantra from "Office Space" had been going through my head.

"Oh my God, you answered the phones!!! Thank you!!!"

I was taken aback, and let a silence gather. 

"I have a question for you!" She finally offered.

"My son, he has been going to Renowned Party School of Next State Over.  He's Really Smart.  But he hates college.  We are bringing him home next semester.  And, well, he needs to take Composition on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 9:30, and I noticed that the professor he likes for that time teaches a class that has a slightly different name.  What does that mean?"

I was glad it was an easy question.  "That's a six hour class, rather than a three hour class.  What it means is that students in that class get twice as much classroom time.  It is for students who either feel they want the extra time with the professor in the classroom, or students who have received a placement test score that only allows them to take college level  Composition with that extra time."

Mike's mom is right there with me.

"Oh, he does not need that extra time.  He would not want to pay for the extra time.  And besides.  He's Really Smart.  BUT, that teacher.  That's the one he likes."

Yeah.  I noticed that comment when you said it before.  I did not want to ask, and I still don't.

"Well, there are two other professors at that time period.  So he has options."

She hesitated, then went for it.  "He goes on Rate My Professors to find out about the teachers.  This was a life saver for him this semester at Renowned Party School of Next State Over.  He really needs that one professor."

"Well, I have to tell you that I have nothing but contempt for that site.  I do not use it to evaluate professors here, and cannot help you with your dilemma."

"Well" and she laughs as if she knows this is ridiculous...but she still says it.  "Do you think maybe one of those other two teachers would want the six hour course, instead?  Maybe you could ask them?"

"Haha. Funny one." I said.  "No."

She thanked me for answering her questions, and hung up. 

I searched for a stash of tequila, but had none available.  Sigh.


  1. "Yes, of course we will rearrange our teaching schedule to meet your son's whims! What a good idea!"

  2. Love that story!

    Hey, does that image - which I swear I've not seen before - mean that Cal is back and feeling better?

    It's a freaking blurry masterpiece!

  3. I don't know if it was Cal or Hirram who provided the image, but I can attest to two things: it was not me, and it rocks! Thanks, CM leadership!!!!

  4. Love it, Bella! The comedy just write itself some time. You're my hero today!

    PS: I've been in touch with Cal and he's doing fine. At his age, the problems of celiac can be quite vexing, and so while he's completely free of stomach cancer (one of the main worries for someone undiagnosed for so long) his digestive system is just working like a normal person's might. His eye for blurriness and crappy images, though, that's RIGHT ON!

    1. just NOT working like... whoops

    2. Thanks, Darla, and thanks also for the update on Cal.

      I hope we see your posts here sometime again! Many people miss you! You can't stop the haters but you had a lot of love here, too!

  5. Replies
    1. But then we don't get the Comedy Gold. It would be like hanging up on an unsolicited call trying to sell you an extended warranty for a car you don't own without trying out your high school Spanish on them. (Yeah, I've done that.)

  6. Did God, I would never had dreamed of asking my parents to intervene when I was high school, let alone college, nor would they have done so.

  7. By walking away from the decent college, Mike the Chucklefuck is WRECKING under Soviet Law.

    He should be given the choice: bullet to the back of the head, or three tenners in my Siberian labor camp system.

    [The little fink coward will chose "life".....they always do.]

    1. Strelly, you are awesome! I have more than a few students who might benefit (in terms of life perspective) from a year or two in your labor camps!

    2. You realize I'm sentencing them to thirty years of hard, backbreaking labor in which they will be cleaning up Soviet "SuperFund" sites, right?

      The way I see it, most of the zeks will be in lead-lined suits for hours in places like Snezhinsk (Chelyabinsk-70) or Murmansk (North Sea nuclear submarine base) when they aren't doing other environmental work in Siberia.

    3. Yeah, I got the meaning of "three tenners" but even though I cannot stand some of them, that seems a bit much, more for outright cheaters and plagiarizers rather than vanilla variety clueless snowflakes. You should run a sort of "snap out of it" course, two to three years, max.

  8. You should have directed her to the Obamacare hotline: 1-800-318-2597.

  9. I am pretty sure I wouldn't have handled such a request with such calm. I probably would have burst out laughing and said a swear. Kudos to you for being classy about it.


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