Thursday, December 12, 2013

Evil Pleasures Fall 2013: Moments to remember. A Big Thirsty From HorribleMeanieProf.

In front of me, DIRECTLY in front of the campus sign that says “On Crowded Walkways, Please Walk Your Bike and Carry Your Skateboard” the speeding skateboarder and bicyclist crashed spectacularly. Remembering the looks on their faces (and the cruel laughter of the crowd who saw it all) provided hours of evil pleasure. (Scrapes & bruises only, so I don't feel bad finding it funny).

Q: What moments (observations, actions, emails, conversations) from the Fall semester will you remember with especially evil, guilty pleasure?


18 comments:

  1. "Dear Who Everver!!!!

    Please give us the information!!!!!!!"

    The entire body of an email sent by a member of our faculty union to a member of the administration (with whom they had had numerous meetings) that attempted to respond to the large number of demanding and incoherent messages sent to our campus email listservs. I wrote a post about some early emails - this has only escalated. Yesterday's round of emails started with a proclamation that one faculty member wanted only to run on the beach and play with her kitties, quickly went to an accusation that the President doesn't interact with students, then ended with references to child pornography and an accusation of gender discrimination (in a tenure issue) against two female professors perpetrated by...a female chair and female dean.

    Good times, good times.

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  2. One of my students dresses like he should be an extra on Jersey Shore or The Sopranos. I mean hair product, gold jewelry, really loud sneakers, sometimes a sweatband on his head, the whole bit.

    I wouldn't care, except for the fact that he is also...well, a jerk. Bad student, too. Unless he pulls a miracle out of his ass, he is going to get a D.

    Anyway, it came to pass that I happened to be walking behind him one night and two girls pulled their car over to ask him if he could direct them to the local "gentlemen's club." Apparently he had the requisite aesthetic.

    No shame on anyone who enjoys nudie bars. I just thought this was funny.

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  3. I like to go outside when classes get out and count how many snowflakes run into each other while staring at their smartphones and/or texting while they walk. I wonder if the student health center has seen an increase in concussed students?

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    Replies
    1. Bring "Pinball" back to the glossary.

      http://collegemisery.blogspot.com/search?q=fiddlebright

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    2. I hear you. It's all about usage. Sorry.

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  4. A dismissive and haughty junior faculty member who had to admit that her forthcoming book had been "rescheduled" until 2015. It's now making the rounds again as its author is searching for a "better" publisher.

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    Replies
    1. At least your "haughty" colleague is writing and working. Kudos to him!

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    2. Prickly, I know I shouldn't engage, but I'm curious: you've now referred to two proffies clearly identified as female in a post and/or comment as "him." Is this deliberate provocation? Poor reading skills? An odd brain glitch? Do all the professors at your institution appear to you to be male? If so, you might want to look a bit more closely (but not too closely, please), and/or consider leaving whatever Taliban-controlled country you've landed in.

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    3. It was an oversight in one case, and in the other there were no gendered pronouns

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    4. I'm seeing gendered pronouns in both, and a very-gendered picture in one, but whatever.

      I'll now wander off and contemplate whether it's progress or not that "dismissive and haughty" professors should no longer be assumed to be male.

      Delete
  5. I'm determined to somehow be content despite the current higher education environment, but "pleasure" is too strong a word for anything I've experienced on campus lately.

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  6. Last year, our weaselly V. P. of Faculty Affairs tried to help our idiot former Provost break up our College of Science and Mathematics and our College of Arts and Humanities, as a cost-saving measure. They were genuinely surprised at the outcry, from faculty, students, alumni, and especially major donors, and they reneged. Our idiot former Provost is now gone, having become President of another university, and God help them.

    That was last year's gloat, though. This year, during a talk by our new Chancellor, our weaselly V. P. of Faculty Affairs came over to us faculty, all friendly-like, and started a conversation with "I taught the difference between a major chord and a minor chord for 20 years..." and I butted in, "And you should have stuck to it!"

    That was a pleasure, and no one can deny I am guilty as sin. But of course, I have tenure.

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  7. After 4 weeks of trying to pound perspective drawing into my students' poor confused brains, GilbertGoofOff was telling me he should have alternate assignment because he just didn't *get* perspective drawing. One of his tablemates straight up said "You're doing it to yourself. Just follow the damn directions." I had to walk away because I couldn't keep talking Gilbert with a straight face.

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  8. After our provost went on and on about how wonderful our faculty are, a prof asked him point blank, "So why do you pay us so poorly?"

    "Ah, well, there's a budget, you see, and, uh, there just isn't any money to give raises like that..." He was clearly ill-prepared for this line of questioning.

    The the she twisted the knife. "Yes, after you waste all the money, there's nothing left. Thank your for explaining. Now, why don't you give us a raise before the money runs out?"

    Unfortunately, she didn't schedule her questions ahead of time because the Provost had a meeting to attend at that very moment. We didn't get a good answer but our school now has a new heroine.

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    Replies
    1. I think this is awesome. Please buy this woman an adult beverage of her choice on my behalf.

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  9. The colleague who spent 15 minutes of a meeting giving a boring, sanctimonious speech about [pointless departmental issue]; lost the vote; and then complained that her "voice was being silenced."

    LOL. ROFL. LMAO.

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  10. I had a small unexpected pleasure just a few days ago. My performance review had been stuck in the Dean's office since September. That's when my department Chair grudgingly gave me a "meets expectations" rating, decorating it with ridiculous comments. I then uploaded a point-by-point rebuttal to the faculty review system, including a partial account of our interview, which I had surreptitiously recorded (as related in this blog). And there the matter sat until this week, when the Dean finally uploaded their report. To my surprise, the Dean sides with me (against the Chair) on every issue in dispute, basically telling the Chair (if he/she can read) to leave me alone and treat me like everybody else. The report concludes by saying (referring to the interview) "this Office does not make performance ratings the subject of negotiation." So--Happy Holidays, idiot Chair! That gives me another year to get the hell out of here, without worrying too much about overt harassment.

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    Replies
    1. YES! (Fist pump.) So glad you won, and that you posted the results. Maybe we should have an end-of-semester thread where people say how their blogged crises turned out.

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