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| Most Well Dressed? |
Most Inane Request goes to Loony Len for "Please can you change the title of my session to “Hamsters Living in Baskets” because it says “Hamsters & Baskets” and it will disadvantage me because the other 3 papers are about Hamsters and mine is about Hamsters living in Baskets and so it will disadvantage me because people who are interested in Hamsters living in Baskets might not realize they should come to my session” [I changed the title alright - to All About Hamsters].
Most Stupid PhD Student goes to Leo Tolstoy Smith [really? What were your parents THINKING?] – for sending me 12 emails regarding whether or not he should publish his 4-page, data-free paper in full or in abstract only because he “wouldn’t want anyone to steal” his work [I had to slap my fingers from typing back “your idea is so stupid it’s a miracle we accepted your paper, there is no way anyone would be stupid enough to steal it – but wait - perhaps you have a twin?”]
Most Stupid Area Chair goes to Dr Lady Beard– I asked you to group your accepted papers into coherent sessions of 4. Instead you sent me a list of papers randomly highlighted in different colours – as in 2 in pink, 5 in green, 1 in yellow. [Why? Why? What is WRONG with you?]
Most Outrageous Dietary Request goes to Fuss-atarian Fred: No meat (cattle). Except lamm [sic] ok, fish ok but not sea food. Food must be washed in distilled water not tap water. [We threw a vegan salad at him and we didn’t wash the leaves -which hopefully had been covered in the organic fertilizer known as urine- in any water of any kind]
Most Ridiculous Re-Scheduling Request [after program had been finalized and online for weeks] goes to Fly-in Fiona for: You've scheduled me at 12.50 but I can only present my paper at 1.20pm on Thursday (and no other day) because I am flying in from [another country] and arriving at the airport at 12.40 and flying out again at 3pm. [The airport is at the other end of our huge city with a very congested traffic system and there would also be international arrival and departure procedures to go through- what a surprise, despite being scheduled at precisely 1.20 this idiot was a no-show].
Most Clashes in the Progam goes to Many-PhD-Students Stan: [Of course some of your papers clash with each other in the conference schedule. You are listed on 15 papers as a co-author and we only had 10 possible session times. What did you think we could do? Create five extra session times just for you?]
Most Desperate Conference Slut goes to Lush Lolita. [Yes I know your strategy to succeed as a PhD student is to sleep with a Professor in order to get an A publication. But that bald sweaty old professor you've been rubbing up against all night? He's gay. And no, I'm not willing to sleep with you either ]
Oh wow, my department has hosted a few big conferences (well, big for our field) and I have to admit that I was naive enough to be flabbergasted when a PhD student snuck off with a mid 50's tenured proffie. And now I know why!
ReplyDeleteWhile I was doing my Ph. D. residency, there were indications that my supervisor was having an affair with his favourite grad student as they often had dealings that were less than arm's-length. (He was about 30 years older than her.) It must have worked because she eventually got a TT position in another part of the country.
DeleteThe ironic thing was that a certain Washington scandal was all over the news at the time.
I was on the very outer fringes of organizing a big conference last spring, and, even from that distance, the silliness/self-centeredness, and the sheer volume, of requests for special treatment was breathtaking. In fact, one doesn't even need to be on a conference committee to realize this; all one has to do is be a presenter, and receive all the emails enumerating the sorts of requests conference organizers cannot accommodate.
ReplyDeleteI think this is new, perhaps a result of increasingly overscheduled lives, and an increasing tendency toward last-minute planning. But maybe I'm wrong, and it's just more apparent given the ease of mass electronic communication.
Last time I did something like that, I developed a policy of waiting at least 24 hours before replying to emails (with some exceptions). If you reply too quickly, then they feel encouraged to send more and expect immediate replies.
DeleteIt's a fucking mess today. If you really want to fuck with someone who's coordinating a conference, hire 10,000 people on MTurk (at $.02 each) to email inane queries to the person. That's it. Total cost to ruin your worst enemy's life is $200.
That's the fucking misery.
Or perhaps the real misery is that you don't need to hire people to email inane inquiries; just tell them they've got a paper accepted (or not), and they'll do it for free.
Delete"all the emails enumerating the sorts of requests conference organizers cannot accommodate"
DeleteMy God, it almost sounds like.... a.... a Syllabus!
I've flown in and out in one day when my schedule allowed it, for a regional conference, but I didn't ask for any favors. That's just ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteWhile not ideal, I think that's pretty common. I ended up attending only one day (the one on which I presented) of a conference this fall (I originally intended to attend more, but life, in the form of a memorial service to attend, intervened). At least it was an early day, when attendance was low, and I was able to boost the audience numbers at a couple of other panels. It's the idea that the whole conference should be scheduled around you (unless you're, say, the keynote speaker) that gets me.
DeleteHaving co-chaired a conference late in the last century (volunteer, I still don't volunteer for ANYTHING!!) I learned one major thing: If you have an idea for a project to be done for or during the conference, YOU'RE IN CHARGE. This sure did cut down on all of those "idea" people.
ReplyDeleteFolks are very grovelly when submitting their papers for consideration for a panel, but once they get it they must feel empowered to make crazy demands. I don't know why this happens, but it occurs 100% of the time. One forbade folks wearing any type of fragrance to enter their panel presentation as one panelist was allergic. We didn't know this until the head panelist came screaming over to us after the panel had begun. It's all a blur after that.
I dunno...maybe this belongs in the WTF post...but aren't we proffies (or soon to be) supposed to be at the top of the thinking food chain? Why are these educated folks some of the most stupid, self-centered, clueless folks?
ReplyDeleteSoon after I started grad studies, I got roped into being the grad student rep at the department meetings. It didn't take long before my image of professors being civil and cordial with each other was completely shattered.
DeleteLater, during my Ph. D. residency, several meetings with my supervisor ended quickly because he would throw a temper tantrum.
Thanks for reminding me! I must write to the conference organizer of the conference I'm attending in spring. I can only present at 4 PM on Sunday, and will need a fruit plate with no pineapple or grapes in my dressing room.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to have them remove the brown M&Ms.
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