Thursday, December 5, 2013

You know it's bourbon o'clock when: A (profane) speedy rant from Drunk in a Midnight Choir

You know it's bourbon o'clock when...

...your two best students skip the final.

...your colleague gives top marks to a student who claimed that hamsters are actually alpacas because their argument "showed original thinking."

...thanks to the fuckstickery of said colleague, ALL of the friends (and friends of friends) of said student now want their papers re-graded.

...said colleague assures you they are not, in fact, fucking kidding you.

...the (new) departmental assistant accidentally shreds the pile of incoming essays instead of the pile of old essays that no longer need to be kept on file. get to sit through a half-day presentation on research synergy and customer satisfaction led by the Vice President In Charge Of Clusterfuckery. said presentation, you are seated between the Dean of Douchebaggery and the Director Of Mansplaining.

...there is no 3G or wifi reception in the room said meeting is being held in.

...nor are there cookies.

...a student in one of your previous courses makes the papers...for procuring crack for your Mayor.

...the (government-controlled) liquor stores are in the throes an acute bourbon drought because of a glitch in the supply chain.

And how was your day?




  1. Hard, but better than yours. My sincere sympathies.

  2. Hard, but better than yours. My sincere sympathies.

  3. You may have a Vice President In Charge Of Clusterfuckery, but here at the Community College of the State of Denial, we have a Dean of Student Happiness and Public Relations.

    OK, this isn't the real title, but it may as well be. This dean pressured a student grievance panel to allow an exam retake for a vision impaired Disabled Programs student that only had his test magnified 14.9 times instead of 15 times. (I wish I was making this up.)

    Oh by the way, this student was able to rewrite all of the problems he was supposed to do with 100% accuracy. He just didn't do anything after that, and complained about his 2% score.

  4. You should thank that assistant! I wish somebody would shred my incoming papers! I would just send out an email promising everyone a B, unless they think that their paper is "A" quality, then by all means, resubmit! Viola! smaller stack to grade!

    1. You don't necessarily have to can pretend.

    2. *Writes this idea down for future use*

  5. Thanks, DiaMC. That was the first time I smiled today.

    1. Thanks, Bubba. That was the first time *I* smiled today.
      If you could get any decent bourbon in this town right now, I would raise a glass to you.

  6. I hope they didn't also run out of vodka... Hope things look up next week.