1. The Scantron machine.2. Laugh, and drink up.
Well, that will depend on my energy level. If I have high energy, I will grade my most rudimentary class on hamster training, and pick the student most likely to fail. If I'm low on energy, I will pick ultra advanced hamster physiology, and grade my 4.0 student.
1. Atomic Airhead Arlene. 2. Drink 45 beers first because if I'm going to be dizzy from her reasoning, I might as well be drunk, too.
It's a dilemma: the really weak finals can be graded very fast, but after about ten of those I start getting depressed and wishing for a good one. So I'll cheat and look through the stack for one or two of the good students. With any luck, they'll have nearly aced the test, so I can feel good about somebody having learned something. Okay, now ready for ten more weak ones (where the only time-consuming question is "should this get any partial credit?")I'm going to be sure to...not fail a greater percentage of people than the other guy teaching this course. Have some good wine next to me, to help with the partial credit thing.
Ok, Peter, Hiram, et al,, when I asked a thirsty about drinking and grading, no one fessed up. But here you use it. That's why I asked....how many really, honestly, do grade after imbibing, if only to numb the pain of the idiots who were too dumb not to withdraw when they had the chance?
But Dr. Python, that's so unfair! I just checked your thirsty in question (right there, Monday Nov. 18) and there is my comment, nearly identical to this one. Grading error...I want my A! Is there a form I need to sign?
... Mark the three best students first, so as to reassure myself that the final was not actually too hard and that's why everyone else is tanking.
The first final I'm going to grade this semester belongs to my weakest and laziest class in 4 or 5 years. And I'm going to be sure to laugh my ass off when 80% of the lazy fuckers fail this 7th grade math class like they so richly deserve.But then, if you read my reviews at that site that shall not be named, I'm an evil bastard. There are probably also some Twitter twits out there that think that I'm an asshole for giving a test the Monday after Thanksgiving (I did), that think I'm a dickhead (mostly for holding to my standards and rules), and that want to kill me (try it, prick).Oh yeah. I don't bring cookies either.
Hey, I have a 1.4. Can you beat that?
Anxious and Over Achieving and Amy. Use it at the key for the other exams.
I grade them in the order that they are turned in. There is a definite correlation between order that they are turned in and the score they earn. Except for the first and the last one, the earlier it is turned in, the better the grade and the later it is turned in, the poorer the grade.
That's how I grade mine, as well. I've noticed they tend to follow a sort of timeline bell curve (is that such a thing and am I describing it right?) with the earliest and lastest tending to be lower scores, with higher scores clustered towards the middle.
My "student of a thousand excuses" came to office hours full of angst over the upcoming final. The big concern was the essay portion which makes up one half of the exam and carries 60% of the weight. Because the student was on the borderline grade-wise, they needed a good showing to pass the class. We spent an hour talking about how to study, prepare, write etc. this portion of the exam. Student left the session full of "thank you sooooo much" and assurances that they would now nail the exam.Said student was the first to turn in their exam, 35 minutes into a 2 hour time allotment. Curiosity got the better of me and I had a look. When I reached the essay portion they had written, "I don't have the strength to write all of this. My brain is just fried." (Eureka! Excuse #1001.)Kid will now fail. Twit!
An annoying phenomenon is the special snowflake who thinks submitting 3 weeks early will impress teacher... I mean their proffie.
Start with the worst ones, mix in a couple good ones to keep you going (hopefully there are enough of them). When you get to the end you only have the best ones to correct!
With most exams, I start with the shortest exams so I have a small pile out of the way quickly. Then I do the good students, so I know what's possible. Then the rest. But on finals, I echo Frog and Toad. The little bugxxx dears have done enough writing for me this semester. To the Scantron they go!So: The first final I'm going to grade this semester belongs to the class that takes its exam on Monday.And I'm going to be sure to have all my course grades entered two hours after my fifth and last exam.
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