Sunday, January 31, 2016

What Goes Through My Mind

What goes through my mind, when .  . .

an administrator speaks:
"That sounds very reasonable.  How much of it, if any, is true?"

a student offers an excuse:
"Fuck.  I don't give a shit about policing your personal tragedies.  Give a shit about your education and only take time off when you need to, and leave me the hell alone about it."

the University President:
"Whatever you're talking about, it means me bending over a desk, so go stick it up your own, I'm busy with research."

"How do I get on the board of trustees?  Is the lobotomy required, or just recommended?"

A colleague talks about his or her research or teaching:
"Come in, sit down, want some tea? I have a dirty mug and some Earl Gray up here somewhere.  Seriously.  Please, God, please, come in and talk to me."


  1. > Seriously. Please, God, please, come in and talk to me."

    Aaaaay-men! Because aside from a conference every few years those are the only moments when I get to feel like I've actually attained the mythical "life of the mind".

    1. Multiply this a hundredfold and you have the reality of the online instructor.

      I agonize over every comma and semi-colon in an EMail/grade comment/paper edit fearing that the deafening silence of the Inter-world will translate into a "ghost termination."

      I VERY occasionally get to converse with colleagues who, by and large, share the same concerns as I. But after we get to chat for 5 - 10" after a conference call or drop an EMail about a shared student, back into the abyss.

      Pretty much all I hear from my university/supervisor are blast EMails heralding the world saving initiative-of-the-month or notification that the most recent TPS report didn't have its cover sheet and the world is about to end.

    2. Toilet Paper Salvage report?
      Trainee Philosopher Savagings report?
      Tiny Pink Sausagedogs report?
      Tripe and Pickles Special report?

      I like acronyms I don't recognise, they're good for my imagination...

      Grumpy Academic


    4. Thanks, AAA, was wondering if anyone would catch the Office Space shout out!

    5. I have been known to compare going to conferences to "leaving the kids with the babysitter for an adult night out."