To entertain myself (and a
minuscule highly exclusive circle of readers), I write light murder mysteries lampooning some of the sillier aspects of academic life.
But when an administrator whose actual job title is "vice president for university engagement" proclaims in a national publication that we shouldn't expect students to be college ready, colleges should be student-ready....how do I make fun of that?There's nowhere to go from there. The aspiring satirist in me finds this extremely trying.
Other things I wish I'd invented, except the Office of Appeasement, Retention, Success, and Engagement got there first:
Professors must act as "facilitators" and not "providers of knowledge." 
Students don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. 
"We're taking this space for our new Student Success center. It's not our problem if you don't have a place to teach your class." 
Miserians, what are your can't-believe-this-isn't-the-Onion moments?
 What am I supposed to do when a student asks me to provide knowledge? After all, the customer knows best. Probably the best solution is to stand there repeating "does not compute" until smoke curls out of my ears.
 I truly wish I were making this one up.