The first day of classes I always do a little introduction exercise. Not because I particularly want to know anything about these people -- I probably won't see them after two or three weeks anyway and most of those that I will I won't want to. So why? To fill time and make it look like I give a flying fuck about them as people, of course.
Going down the roster, I get mostly what I expect.
"I'm ____ and I have two brothers. Does that count as two things about myself?"
Well, no, not really. I just said your name so that doesn't count, dummy. Nor does saying you have two brothers. There may be two of them but that's only one factoid. Try again.
There are some mildly interesting things (a 1/2 Jamaican who doesn't like Jamaican food or anything "not American," a Nigerian, people that want to be called random names that aren't anything like their actual names, etc) but nothing way out of the ordinary. Then I read off the last name on the roster.
A blonde boy in his mid twenties leans back, head against the wall and blurts out rather proudly, "I'm Rob and you will probably hate me in three weeks" True... "because I'm a troublemaker." ...Ugh. Fuck. Before I can stop him, he mentions the fact that he's taken this class three times and a few other things. Stoner girl yells out, "Oooooh, this'll be great to watch all semester. Some entertainment!" Of course, the most coherent and well put together thought she's managed all class period but not helpful.
I get them all back in line and go ahead with the rest of the day (going through the syllabus and emphasizing what I know will be issues later on, etc. The usual). After I let them out, they scatter into the wind like dandelion heads with one exception -- Rob comes up to me and starts trying to explain himself.
"Y'see, the first class was almost all art majors and I'm horrible at art. The teacher turned it into art class and I got a D. And the last guy, he didn't agree with my argument so he failed me. You know he actually wrote 'This paper is crap. If I didn't have to I wouldn't have finished this.' on my paper!?" I probably would have wanted to do that too but I know that didn't happen.
He wanted to go on (and it would have been mildly interesting to how exactly he was going to continue to blame others for his obvious deficiencies) but I stopped him and had a little talk about learning from his mistakes and how I expected him to act now that he was in my class.
Once I got back to my department, I asked my completely useless boss to look him up for me.
"It sounds like you did the right thing in that situation"
"Sometimes we get some severely disturbed students in our classes"
...WTF? He's not "disturbed," he's just immature and doesn't want to take responsibility for his own shit...
"and though he hasn't done anything that we can pull him for yet, I'll see what [less useless boss] says."
I guess they put their heads together, looked him up, and realized he's taken the class three times before (which I told them...). As our department has a three strikes and you're out policy, he'll be pulled from the class on those grounds. Just maybe not in time for Tuesday's class.
This semester just keeps getting worse and worse. What the hell else can go wrong at this point?