Thursday, December 30, 2010

Creepy Christmas Card Giving Kiss Ass

First of all, wtf would make you think I'd want you to "keep in touch"?  This isn't camp, sweetheart.  We are not peers.  Contrary to what you must think about your specialness, I don't need you.  I have a life.  You are a transient in that life. 

Secondly, check your use of "keep".  Attending class approximately 20% of the time doesn't indicate that you were ever "in touch" in the first place. 

And finally, you're lucky your pathetic attempts to suck up before grades are determined was a waste of your time and that I don't open these insultingly transparent offerings (because the curiosity eventually gets to me) until after I grade because.... YOU SHOULD MAKE THE FUCK SURE A WOMAN IS PREGNANT BEFORE YOU WISH HER AND "the soon to be little one" LUCK, DUMB ASS!!!


  1. Your students:
    "The Dumbass Patrol." Mid-1960s police procedural that combined "Dragnet" with "Car 54, Where are You?" as incompetent detectives fumbled around trying to catch criminals far more intelligent then themselves. Show only lasted one season.

  2. I trust there is some way you can revise this student's grade? There has to be a special dispensation for spectacular dumbassedness.

  3. Now you know why I deleted my Facebook page. I got too many friend requests from students I was never crazy about in the first place.

    I hate the sensation that I've passed a student who promises to be a menace to society. What's perhaps worst is when they legitimately do pass: it isn't my fault, for being a softie.

    I had this one dumb-dumb who just couldn't get her mind around the Doppler effect, and repeatedly and loudly complained about it, as if there was anything I could do about it. She managed to get a C in Intro-Astronomy-for-Non-Majors anyway, and therefore fulfilled her general-ed requirement. Still, I felt queasy. She was majoring in Human Resources Management. I could far too easily see her as the H.R. manager from hell, I hope not at some lab or engineering firm, where she could be deadly with her inability to understand what they do.

    Nice wombats, by the way. They're a road hazard in Australia, but then most of the great marsupials are, especially at night. Wombats can be extremely destructive of people's lawns: once a wombat picks your property to dig up, there's no way to change its mind, and they're quite large, for burrowing animals. No kidding!

  4. I get hilarious "friendly" e-mails like this, ugh. And. Also. I love your WOMBAAAATS!

  5. Ok, I know this post reflects real-deal college misery, but I laughed and laughed. My Lord.

  6. Dollars to donuts, there's some dumb-ass eHow article like the one in the previous discussion instructing students to "notice" their teacher's personal lives as a way to suck up. I am so sure that as she was writing that she was envisioning herself in a golden orb of cherubdom for being so sweet as to comment on my "little one", replete with cutesy language.


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