Feeling Pissy at Term's End

As I prepare to grade finals and research projects, I have a few final observations on my problem students for this term:

Straight-A Allison: Prepare for your first B. Despite your whining to the contrary, your low participation grade is not due only to the amount of time you spent online (though that definitely played a factor). You also read only 1/3 of the required materials outside the textbook. You can't be "penalized for being a fast reader" if you can't be bothered to read all the materials to begin with. It also does not help to take an abbreviated course when you know you are going to have a major medical procedure in the middle of the term.

Strictly-by-the-Syllabus Stanley: I hear from your classmates you've been all huffy because I moved due dates around during the Thanksgiving holiday week. Did you ever stop to think for a moment that I did that so that you could travel, enjoy your time off, and not have to turn in work during a holiday? Yes, I moved one assignment up by one day. I also pushed another one back a day, so it all evened out. Most students appreciate it when they get a holiday where they don't have to log in. It just goes to show no good deed goes unpunished.

"We don't need no stinkin' directions" Darlene: You made an F on the first part of your research assignment. I told you to reread the directions, review the sample papers I provided, and let me know what questions you had. I never heard from you again, but your teammates on the project tell me you "feel lost," "don't know what to do," and "never got any help from the professor." There are these times on my syllabus listed called office hours. Usually they are times when I end up grading papers, catching up on my voice mail, or reading the news online since no one ever comes to see me or asks to chat when I'm online. You came to office hour exactly one time this semester: at the beginning of class when you tried to convince me what a serious student you are and how you'd constantly be trying your hardest and contacting me with questions.

I am not a mind reader. I have no idea why you submitted your project with 80% of the requirements missing--you know, those instructions at the top of the page? What I do know is that you have a low C now, and unless you get your butt in gear on this project, you will be failing the class.

Prevaricating Paul: No, I did not say you could take your makeup final late tonight. I gave you the hours for the testing center. I told you not to wait till the last minute. I scheduled a full week of makeup times, all of which were clearly listed and none of which were after 7:30 p.m. No, I don't believe for a minute that you showed up at the testing center 50 minutes before they closed, and then after arguing with me took the objective section with 25 questions and then wrote a 750-word essay in 40 minutes, had "technical issues," and were forced to send the essay to me from your home instead of the testing center 90 minutes after it closed. When you had the testing center staff call me, I said you could NOT do the essay at home and it had to be in the proctored setting despite your attempting to get me to say otherwise by reframing the question three different ways. You will receive a big, fat zero for your efforts. Frankly I've had suspicions about whether you've done all your own writing this term anyway. This latest stunt confirms my Spidey sense is on target.

I'm trying hard to be optimistic about the work I'll be reading from my other students. But right now I feel like filling those jars in my graphic. What really kills me is that starting next term, my college will require us to put our student evaluations online and to evaluate every class. I can tell you right now these three students are going to crucify me. Since the classes are online, participation will be poor, thus making their negativity magnified by at least double if not more. As an online faculty member, I'm not a "real person" anyway, so it's easy to bitch and moan and downgrade the instructor.

Our chairpersons' governing body is trying to create a more meaningful evaluation that might actually show us what students think they learned, but until then, it's the SOS: "I rate the instructor as...," "The instructor treated me with fairness and respect...," "I would take another course with this instructor...." It's all about me and nothing about them other than how many absences they say they have and what grade they think they are going to earn in this class (both irrelevant).