Friday, December 24, 2010
I believe the children are our future
Gifts influence how kids grow up. I got a chemistry set, you hamanities folks got books, administrators got coal - you get the idea. How do we encourage our precious spawn to avoid snowflakery? Give the right gifts. For instance, gold, frankenscence and murr turned out to be good choices, as the story goes. On the other hand, consider this your Christmas 2010 shopping guide of ...
Top Ten Gifts that Cause Children to Grow into Snowflakes
10. “Dear professor, My assignment will be late because deadlines are optional for me. I hope this doesn’t cause any confusion for you.”
9. Taking good notes is the most important thing you can do in class. Well, 2nd most important.
8. Not only will this toy prepare you for a future career, it will help you understand how faculty should properly view themselves and their students.
7. You'll need a time machine during finals week when you ask how to improve your 43% to a passing grade. This will get you in the proper frame of mind.
6. Don’t let your lack of knowledge stop you from contributing to class discussions. You’re a winner!
5. Make sure students know what to say to faculty during negotiations of grades, deadlines and extra credit.
4. Even though they don’t say it, your professors want you to write about more than just facts, figures and evidence. Write about what really matters.
3. Here’s where to put all those syllabuses that your professors give you. Don’t worry, you can always ask for another.
2. Just because you learn to wipe and flush doesn’t mean you have to do it before class starts.
1. Don’t like your grade? Cry about it.
Merry Christmas everybody! I'd wish you all a happy new year but we all know that won't happen. Just don't get so drunk that you appear on YouTube.