Friday, December 24, 2010

I believe the children are our future

bling beaker
Gifts influence how kids grow up. I got a chemistry set, you hamanities folks got books, administrators got coal - you get the idea. How do we encourage our precious spawn to avoid snowflakery? Give the right gifts. For instance, gold, frankenscence and murr turned out to be good choices, as the story goes. On the other hand, consider this your Christmas 2010 shopping guide of ...

Top Ten Gifts that Cause Children to Grow into Snowflakes

10. “Dear professor, My assignment will be late because deadlines are optional for me. I hope this doesn’t cause any confusion for you.

9. Taking good notes is the most important thing you can do in class. Well, 2nd most important.

8. Not only will this toy prepare you for a future career, it will help you understand how faculty should properly view themselves and their students.

7. You'll need a time machine during finals week when you ask how to improve your 43% to a passing grade. This will get you in the proper frame of mind.

6. Don’t let your lack of knowledge stop you from contributing to class discussions. You’re a winner!

5. Make sure students know what to say to faculty during negotiations of grades, deadlines and extra credit.

4. Even though they don’t say it, your professors want you to write about more than just facts, figures and evidence. Write about what really matters.

3. Here’s where to put all those syllabuses that your professors give you. Don’t worry, you can always ask for another.

2. Just because you learn to wipe and flush doesn’t mean you have to do it before class starts.

1. Don’t like your grade? Cry about it.

Merry Christmas everybody! I'd wish you all a happy new year but we all know that won't happen. Just don't get so drunk that you appear on YouTube.


  1. None of those links worked.

    Well, none of the ones that I tried worked. And I tried about 40% of them. Is that enough for me to earn a pass in link-clicking?

    Mathsquatch out.

  2. Dear Mathsquatch, I am much more anal than you and can report that 6 of the links worked. Also I could guess what most of the others were supposed to be to, and I really want an entropy clock.

    But the hell with it; I am going to relax and listen for the reindeer. Happy holidays, everybody.

  3. Ha! More anal than both of you! I found the problem: somehow or other, Ben managed to get the blogspot address prefixed to four of his links.

    The user fix is to find the second http in the address bar, then backspace over everything before it. The links work fine then.

  4. Well, crap.

    Thanks I.P. for the hint. Should be fixed now.

  5. Very funny, Ben.

    I grew up when electronic music was big. All the normal kids wanted synthesizers. I wanted this sound effects machine that involved using various switches and pots and making mini-circuits. They all thought it was weird, but who did they go to when they needed to record two birds chirping, a closing door or a fat man farting on their casios?

    So yeah, the toys didn't make me an antisocial borderline autistic lab rat; the antisocial rainman thing shaped my letter to Santa.

  6. I like #8..."I'd like an education to go please, and make it quick!"


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.