Dear Snowflakes (both student and colleague):For the past two weeks, you've known I was going to be taking off the rest of the summer for unexpected major surgery. I have kept you informed. I've been through all the administrative FMLA crap. I've rescheduled all my meetings or found someone else to cover them. I've gotten a substitute for my classes and even advanced her some cash out of my own pocket because I know the college will take months to process her extra pay. I've graded all the papers I have and set up all the lessons for the sub to cover. So I think I'm entitled to a little smackdown for the few of you who haven't been paying attention to all this:
Senseless Stevie Student Snowflake: Your midterm is not in my pile of papers to be graded. I posted the zero for you three days before I left. I posted my goodbye message with instructions to contact the sub for any future questions about the class. You waited until the evening before I left to start whining. Stop emailing me about your missing paper. I don't believe for a minute you were at the "lab" (which is not where we take tests for this class) "all day" (for a test timed at three hours) taking a midterm which magically then "disappeared" through the email. You are failing the class anyway. I asked you to come see me or make an online appointment weeks ago. I quit reading your emails after the third one and am not logging into the course again until I have to post grades the sub has completed.
Clueless Carrie Colleague: You were at the last meeting I attended the day before I left for the hospital. You knew what time my surgery was scheduled and how long I am supposed to be gone. Calling me while I am on the way to the hospital to tell me how "urgent" it is I read some message you put out and respond to it before I go under the knife is inconsiderate at best. I'm so tired of your always waiting till the last minute to put out important information and then expecting everyone else to drop everything to take care of your issues. This applies equally to the 8:30 a.m. emergency meeting you called me about at 7:30 a.m. the day before the surgery. I don't suppose it occurred to you that I might have things to do such as finishing my class materials, getting last-minute blood tests, or maybe even trying to get some decent sleep that morning.
Asinine Arnold Administrator: I've been in touch with you through this whole process from Day One. You asked to be put on the list of people to be contacted the day of surgery to know how things went and designated yourself the official person to let everyone else at work know. Why oh why did you then think it would be a good idea to text me while I'm in pre-op asking me for information you could have looked up yourself on your own computer in less time than it took for you to send me the message? You too were guilty of scheduling a last-minute meeting the day before surgery, and, after receiving no response from me (seeing as how I was at the hospital getting a test), texting me demanding to know where I was and why I wasn't coming to the Total Quality Management Office Supply Grant Committee.
I know it's not all about me and the world isn't going to stop because I had this procedure done. But I've held up my end of the deal. Thankfully I am now home from the hospital and have until at least the second week of August to recover. I will not be checking my email, and any texts I receive about work will receive the reply that I am ON LEAVE. By definition, that means I am not working and you should LEAVE me alone unless you're checking on me to ask how I'm doing.
P.S. I apologize for any incoherence in the above. Blame it on the Vicodin, the pain, or the fact that people I work with don't understand the meaning of the word leave is making me crazy.
I wish you a speedy recovery...can you get back to me ASAP to let me know you got this message.
ReplyDeleteI joke. I hope you'll have the opportunity to just chill at home until mid Aug and get better before the next godforsaken semester starts.
I feel your pain, EnglishDoc. One of my parents had major surgery this week. I have no teaching responsibilities til the fall semester so I have been away helping both parents. My department chair knows this but I have received multiple emails asking me to do things that, technically, are her job but that she's trying to foist on me because she's going on vacation.
ReplyDeleteAdd to this the fact that I'm having surgery in three weeks - just when the department chair comes back from her vacation and when she's planning on cramming all of her administrative responsibilities just before classes start - and I'm about to tell my whole department to suck it.
I wrote a plea for help from one of my colleagues and, while he did help me out, he obviously didn't pay attention to WHY I needed help because his response was 'Have fun!'
Hang in there. This too shall pass.
You have had more than your share, lately, EDoc. Best wishes for a speedy recovery. Perhaps Stella will answer your correspondence for you. :)
ReplyDeleteEnglishDoc, I can have these people liquidated for you, but it will cost more because I have to bring in Alyosha the Cleaner when the jobs are done, and he ain't cheap.
ReplyDeleteBeing serious now, I wish you the best for a painless surgery and a speedy recovery.
EngDoc, sounds like you crossed all your t's and dotted all your i's. So fuck 'em.
ReplyDeleteYes, what Prof Poopiehead said, with a teaspoon.
ReplyDeleteAnd feel better and stronger and clearer each day.
Your colleagues are DENSE. It's awful that you are having to deal with all this before you have surgery!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with and best wishes for a speedy recovery.
I was on disability leave for a chunk of time with a very painful condition. Here are some of the responses I got from colleagues:
ReplyDelete"You must be so rested."
"You must be enjoying your time off."
"You've been on holiday for a long time."
"It must be nice to catch up on all of your reading."
"You're taking advantage of us."
"Why can't you do the work?"
"Don't you think you should be better by now?"
@EnglishDoc: Get well soon. Fuck the snowflakes (both student and colleague).
ReplyDeleteAt least you know you are not easily replaced. But what a way to find out.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping you have time to recover and are left alone to do so!
Oh, dear. I do hope your recovery proceeds smoothly (and without further interruption from colleagues). I like Ovreductd's suggestion that you have Stella answer your correspondence; you can always blame the results on the vicodin. And I'd also thought of the Strelnikov solution, but figured that, in addition to being messy, it might end in your actually being saddled with your colleagues' jobs.
ReplyDelete