Tuesday, September 27, 2011

"Idiotic Timesucks and the Fat Chance That They Aren't Dumbasses" or "Because I'm Tired of the Shit"

Dear Internet Development of Industrial Occult Theocracy Students:

I have just finished reviewing and grading all outstanding papers from you IDIOTS on the Technology of the Industrial Microbiology Emergent in the Sociology of Underwater Compositions in Kinesiology, and I would like to say that they weren’t. Outstanding that is. I wouldn’t go even so far as to call them moderately mediocre. To think that I wasted a weekend on this fluff. What a TIMESUCK. No, I apologize to fluff for the insult. At least fluff can be a light, airy read, occasionally uplifting. The only thing I thought of lifting after reading this schlock was another tumbler of Crown. A gallon-sized tumbler.
I insist that you all do a better job with your next paper on Fully Antipodal Theaters of Curtailed Hierarchies that Atrophied in the Neo-Classical Era. Yeah, I know. FAT CHANCE.


To the Dissection of Underwater Mechanics Based on the Architecture of Serpentine Statistics Evening Students in the lab across the hall:

I realize that yours is a lab section and that you are allowed to work at your own pace and with your neighbors. However, you DUMBASSES do need to work and not just shoot the shit about how crappy your aptitude in the subject is or how you loathe this subject. Especially since there are some serious students in the my lab that are trying to complete their work in a timely manner and can’t think or concentrate over your inane blathering. In fact, when I look into your lab to ask you DUMBASSES to shut the hell up, I don’t actually see any work being done (or an instructor, but that’s another issue). What, you say that you’re all members of the Men’s Whack-a-Mole team, that most of you come to our podunk CC from out of state, have your out-of-state fees waived, get priority registration, and never show up to your other classes. Well then, good for you for actually attending this class. But still, shut the hell up.


P.S.: Didn’t you out-of-state DUMBASSES do any research about our podunk CC’s Men’s Whack-a-Mole transfer rates to Division I, or even Division II, schools. Well, it’s 0.2% over the past 20 years. Three out of 1500. It’s made even tougher by being academically ineligible due to non-attendance. Enjoy your dreams of being Whack-a-Mole pros. Dumbasses.

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