Tuesday, October 25, 2011

snowflake axioms

The first writing assignment of the year has shattered all my remaning illusions about the intelligence of my froshflakes. Even after an informal poll conducted in class last week revealed that over 90% of them think reality tv is "real", I held out some faint hope that they couldn't be *that* stupid.

They are.*

The (imposed) draft/comment/re-write/repeat structure of this particular assignment has meant that for days now, I've had to don a Hazmat suit to open my academic inbox. Even with judicious pasting of particular repeating comments, limiting exposure to two one-hour blocks a day, and a polite and firmly stated refusal to engage with any draft that doesn't follow the instructions, I have a wicked case of radiation poisoning, caused by exposure to a toxic soup of stupid, obliviousness, apathy, and entitlement.

Since it would be unwise to bitch on Facebook, I have other deadlines to meet that preclude self-medicating or hibernating, and laughter is a powerful antidote, would anyone care to join me in compiling a list of snowflake axioms?

When it comes to snowflake epistemology, what propositions do you consider to be self-evident?

To get the ball rolling, I submit:

My willingness to help you is directly proportional to your ability to spell my name correctly.

Thanks in advance for sharing the misery.

drunk in a midnight choir.

*Except for the 8% who can apply critical thinking skills to what they see on TV. Shockingly, they are the same students who can also apply critical thinking skills to the politics and praxis of hamster fur weaving.


  1. If I can't read it, I can't assign points to it.

    And I won't try to decode it.

    This applies to handwriting that is sloppy, half-erased, very faint, or miniscule and to answers written legibly but with atrocious spelling.

  2. Ditto to Eskarina's for if I can't find it (because it's on the discussion board when I specified the assignment dropbox, or in my email inbox when I specified the Discussion Board). I actually try to keep track of stray assignments, but with c. 90 students and a lot of small stages of carefully scaffolded larger projects and a middle-aged brain operating on too little sleep, I often don't succeed unless it's where it's supposed to be, when it's supposed to be there.

    If it's listed on the course calendar under "preparation for month/date," yes, you're supposed to do it by month/date (of the present year), even if I haven't reminded you in class, by email, LMS announcement, text message, carrier pigeon, etc.

  3. If you do the homework, you will know what you don't understand. That's why I don't collect it; it's for you, not for me.

  4. If nobody's name is on it, then nobody gets credit for it. This applies to entire assignments as well as back pages of unstapled work. What if I give Suzy credit for your unclaimed back pages and gave you credit for Suzy's unclaimed back pages. That wouldn't be fair. This is the only fair solution. You like everything to be "fair", right?

    I actually always want to do that (take all the unclaimed back pages, mix them up as though I tripped while carrying them, and randomly staple them together with the front pages and grade them). I'd love to see their faces.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.