Sunday, January 29, 2012

They're Baaa-aaack

Semester started last week. I don’t feel like I can ever predict how it is going to be after the last two. One seemed shitty and was great. The other seemed like it would be decent and I’m surprised I didn’t stick my head in an oven.

Highlights so far:

Each semester I have notice a phenomenon where several students that do not know each other have similar notions about a single thing – but it’s a different thing each semester. It increases the length of my syllabus. This semester there have been multiple students that think they can get 4 units for EITHER taking Hamster Kinesiology lecture OR Hamster Kinesiology lab – just 1.5 hours a week and I get 4 units, right? Lab? What lab?

Me: Excuse me, but you didn’t come to Hamster Kinesiology lecture, did you?

Student tightsforpants: No, I did. I was sitting here.

Me: Um, we are in the lab. The lecture is in a lecture hall.

Student tightsforpants: No, I was here. Don’t you remember?

Me: It’s in a different building. There are 100 students.

Student tightsforpants: Oooo, no I didn’t know. Sorry!

Lab #1: Please include in your lab report why you did the lab, specifically how you did the lab, and your results. It should be a paragraph...there is a HUGE space before the next question. Three fragments of sentences/words won’t cover it.

 Answer medley summary: This lab was ok. It was kind of hard, though. cause there was lots of steps. I think we shood refresh on how to do stuff. (Answers from students that came in 40 minutes late).

Email that was sent immediately after we spent nearly an entire class going over the syllabus, including what happens if an assignment is late, points deducted, etc: Shitty, yet somewhat motivated student: So, like, it seems like there’s a lot of stuff to turn in and I was just wondering what kinds of things I can do instead of that?

Me: Hello Student Turdhole: You might consider trying to find another class that is less work if you are already planning on missing more than three days on the first day. (I find myself thinking, well, at least she’s thinking ahead – this kind of makes me sad.)

Hopefullyreallystonedstudent: Wait, um, so we have to read a whole book by Monday?

Me: No, you just need to have the Hamster Kinesiology lab manual by Wednesday.

Hopefullyreallystonedstudent: What’s a lab manual.

Me: Eh, could someone show her?

Hopefullyreallystonedstudent: So you want us to read that whole thing by Wednesday?

Me: NO!!! F’ing christ.

ARGH! Is this real? (And at the same time I think, well, at least this lady is thinking about shit she has to do next week. The other 30 people that say nothing and may soon drown in their own drool piles have no clue; as with the above student, these questions are awful and stupid, but at the same time I’m excited they at least know they need to do something.)

The first day info sheet where under “comments” students put how much they loathe the subject, how it is a huge waste of time, and they’ve taken this course before but it sucked balls. Yes, they include their names on these forms.

The deadwood that sends emails to EVERYONE complaining about EVERYTHING all the time actually sent an email chastising people for doing such a thing...he’d never had a problem with what people were complaining about.

Also, I can't believe no one mentioned this: We should vote on the largest snowflake...


  1. I have a student this semester who has e-mailed me to clarify things on the schedule three times. Really simple things. That I've explained already. That he would realize were stupid questions if he'd think before firing off an e-mail. But at least he's aware that there's homework and he's doing his best to make sure it gets done.

  2. I did notice the google doodle, and thought of posting a link, but didn't have time to figure out what the heck it was about. Apparently extreme snowflaking, at least of the H2O variety, is not new (and I suspect that professors would have claimed the students were pretty bad then, too -- and might have been right. I think we're a bit safer from very personal pranks these days, if only because most of us try to avoid our students' knowing where we live).

  3. Totally off topic: why is there a picture of a male crotch and half of a very chiseled abdomen in the right-hand panel? It appears to link to an Amazon listing for men's underwear. Is this an attempt to balance all the comely half-clad lasses in snorgtees?

    1. And now the snorgtee lasses have been replaced by an ad for "Christian Mingle" offering to "Find God's Match for You." But it's not quite clear what, if anything, the comely lass in that ad's accompanying illustration is wearing, though her male companion is complete with suit jacket *and* hat. I'm sure it's something quite wholesome, even if it doesn't cover the arm and shoulder that are visible in the picture.

      Okay; apologies, Prof. T. Back to our regularly scheduled misery.


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