Friday, February 24, 2012

Crank Colleague.

He is objectionable
in a mesmerizing variety
of ways.

He owns no car.
I can live with that.

Yet, he always snags rides,
and often, I don't know how,
from me.

Then he complains.
Gas prices. Traffic.
He tsks and folds his hands.

He burns a smudge pot in his office,
although it has another name
which I can't recall.

He threw a fit
at one faculty meeting
over too-casual recycling habits.

I want to like him.
His heart is in the right place.
But he's dense.

You can't tell him anything
that he doesn't have
a topper for.

Your worst student -
he must tell you -
is "nothing" compared to his.

And he's never in class.
He cancels for religious reasons
which nobody has the nerve to ask about.

He's often ill,
and then another ride
is needed.

He thinks education
is a scam,
but can argue the opposite too.

He sneers at drinkers,
because they are weak.

He coughs loudly,
wide eyed,
when we pass smokers outside.

He refuses to kick in to
the coffee club,
but fills a 16 oz glazed mug each morning.

He tells me he has dreams
of buying a boat
and sailing away.

I bite my tongue.
"Whatever it takes," I want to say.
"It needn't be a boat."


  1. He claims to be an ethical dude, but he's just a mooch. I say anyone who doesn't pitch in for the coffee fund doesn't get rides. It's just never convenient for me at that time/on that day/ whatever. Sorry.

    I bet he doesn't pitch in for gas money, either.

  2. He sounds very self-centered and immature. It may be a preview of what our snowflakes will become, when they get older. (I hesitate to say, "grow up.")

  3. He's just cheap, I know the type....

  4. The last line was excellent.

  5. Yes, the last line is what I was thinking the whole time.


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