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The Miami U (Ohio) 4 Unveiled.
Happy April Fool's Day, everyone.
As long suspected, this whole blog is written by and for the 4 of us, 4 Miami University of Ohio proffies. We just have a blast cracking each other up. We got an email once from someone who said they read the page, too, but we figured it was just span.
Anyway, we thought we'd introduce ourselves in case anyone else was reading along.
Leslie Outen (Philosophy)
I do the formatting. I try to make the fonts hard to read, and the colors a pain.
Ben Malfi (Poli Sci)
I spend most of my day making up comments and then posting them under a bunch of names. Strelnikov is my favorite sub-identity.
Reg (W.) Wilhelm (English)
Like most English proffies, I have loads of time, so I scour the internet for stupid Shizzles and marginally-related news articles that I cut and paste into the blog.
Fr. James Jessam (Religion)
I'm Yaro.
As long suspected, this whole blog is written by and for the 4 of us, 4 Miami University of Ohio proffies. We just have a blast cracking each other up. We got an email once from someone who said they read the page, too, but we figured it was just span.
Anyway, we thought we'd introduce ourselves in case anyone else was reading along.
Leslie Outen (Philosophy)
I do the formatting. I try to make the fonts hard to read, and the colors a pain.
Ben Malfi (Poli Sci)
I spend most of my day making up comments and then posting them under a bunch of names. Strelnikov is my favorite sub-identity.
Reg (W.) Wilhelm (English)
Like most English proffies, I have loads of time, so I scour the internet for stupid Shizzles and marginally-related news articles that I cut and paste into the blog.
Fr. James Jessam (Religion)
I'm Yaro.
Me. Yaro. Talking.
Jesus Murphy, these fucking kids are going to break my stooped back. Why can't they get one fucking thing right?
I mean I've been phoning it in at Dullard University since I got tenure in the 80s...1880s! Can you feel me? But still, I expect the little bastards to work.
But, no, it's Dr. Yaro this and Dr. Yaro that, and none of it finishes with them giving me their fucking projects on time. I'm about ready to pull the ripcord.
The only thing that stops me is the endless line of sorority candy I get to eyeball. Hey, I'm married, not buried! What Mrs. Yaro doesn't know won't hurt her, can I get a "Wha?" "Wha?"
Anyway, I hadn't written in a while, and so there it is.
Another fucking Yaro masterpiece.
Me, Yaro, Peace!
I'm going to post this comment on two different threads because it's important everyone sees it.
ReplyDeleteWhat angers me the most about this page is the moderator, the self-styled Fab Sun who is clearly writing most of the material for the page.
To a doubter elsewhere, I really am a linguist (and as crafty and clever as one you'll ever meet, with a shelf of pubs that would make you envious), and a person's writing is just like a fingerprint to me. If I read a 200 word sample of yours, I could pick it out in a six-text blind test 95% of the time.
So, with a little time on my hands (tenured, loads of time, teaching assistants for grading), I did a quick read through a bunch of posts and comments.
First of all, Fab Sun is the same person as Compound Cal. That's easy. They back each other up, use the same style. But it doesn't stop there. Reg. W. is a constant page-apologist. Those comments come from Fab as well.
And Fab also writes in a slightly more feminine style (more passive sentences, more faux-politesse) when he writes Darla and Myra. He butches up the text for his role as Frog and Toad, Contingent Cassandra, and Stella From Sparksburg.
This is as clear to me as the nose on my face. Even if you just run some sample text through a rudimentary piece of software (MSWord use to have a desperately inadequate version of the Flesch-Kincaid), you'll see this true.
Beaker Ben, who is lauded by Fab Sun every chance he can get, is also Fab. It's ridiculously easy.
Fab is not, however, StockStalker, though he did write all of the recent real goddamned mail entries as a way to get some sympathy.
Did I mention Fab is a narcissist and a pity whore? Poor Fab, he works so hard. And his butch alter-ego RGM, with the skull head (over compensating much), that's just another disguise of one guy who writes most of this.
I can see him and his spare tire endlessly changing screen names and blanketing the page with items that proves he's a good guy.
And the time he has to do this? Well he's an adjunct, too, clearly.
Why do I take the time to fix all of this for you? Because our profession deserves better than a crappy Internet board that is a vanity project of one, poor, misguided fool. I've said for a long time that this page should be closed down.
I tell you this not to destroy the illusion, but to simply make the illusion clear to all of you. Oh, he's Academic Monkey, too. That's another easy one. Just look at vocab.
Oh, man, I'm exhausted. Not hardly. This is easy. Shut the page down. The 20 of you who actually are real, who have been fooled by this academic water cooler bullshit should know better.
Now. You. Do.
And I don't care that I've hijacked this thread. This post by Hiram (yeah, Fab, too) was written and posted just to bury the truth below this - PEOPLE DON'T WANT YOUR MODERATION FAB. He's so desperate to be right that he's going to post all day, and ignore me, ignore the truth, to right the ship again.
Mister Fixit
PS: Terry P is Fab, too. Anyone who ever says they moderated the page? That's Fab. Ask yourselves. Have you ever moderated the page? No? Well there's your answer.
My goodness, if you don't like this blog, then don't read it.
DeleteThis site keeps me sane. And no, I'm not Fab, although I wish I were. Although, sorry Fab, I really wish I were Yaro.
...dude, if you were one of my students, I would be on the phone to Counseling Services right now. You are, and I mean this in all seriousness, sounding very much like someone on the edge of some kind of psychotic break. Get help.
Delete(oh, and, feel free to claim that I'm also secretly Fab, but you're wasting your time. I'm a financial aid officer, and no one would voluntarily pretend to be one of those for any reason whatsoever.)
Oo! Oo! Can *I* be Fab, too?
DeleteI really feel left out.
DeleteIf I'm not Fab Sun, who am I?
"To a doubter elsewhere, I really am a linguist (and as crafty and clever as one you'll ever meet, with a shelf of pubs that would make you envious), and a person's writing is just like a fingerprint to me. If I read a 200 word sample of yours, I could pick it out in a six-text blind test 95% of the time."
DeleteThis is false.
Anyone who needs to claim his own craftiness and cleverness is clearly neither. And also pretty much a douche.
Delete"more feminine style (more passive sentences, more faux-politesse)"
DeleteFor Pete's sake, please learn some Linguistics before claiming to be a linguist! Passive voice implies feminine? Good Grief!
Okay, you want to get schooled. Since you're likely a whiny Democrat, here's a piece from the Atlantic that specifically shows what I'm talking about. Asshole.
DeleteWashington Post columnist Kathleen Parker caused a stir last week by stating, "If Bill Clinton was our first black president, as Toni Morrison once proclaimed, then Barack Obama may be our first woman president." Kathleen specifically cited Obama's recent speech on the oil spill, where she said Obama's use of passive voice demonstrated his femininity, for better or worse. But what makes a writing and speaking style gendered anyway? And what does that really tell us about the writer? Two academic linguists have weighed in. Here's what Parker and the linguists have to say.
The Washington Post's Kathleen Parker argues that Obama has "assume[d] feminine communication styles" in his writings and speeches. "Generally speaking, men and women communicate differently. Women tend to be coalition builders rather than mavericks (with the occasional rogue exception). While men seek ways to measure themselves against others, for reasons requiring no elaboration, women form circles and talk it out. ... When he finally addressed the nation on day 56 (!) of the crisis, Obama's speech featured 13 percent passive-voice constructions, the highest level measured in any major presidential address this century, according to the Global Language Monitor, which tracks and analyzes language."
from: http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/2010/07/linguists-debate-does-obama-talk-like-a-girl/23834/
I'd cite some of my own research, but you're likely too dumb to understand it.
Dear moderator, a lot of name calling has been directed at me. I direct you to check your own rules and punish those who've broken them.
DeleteThank you.
Mister Fixit
I know one of your favorites would never be asked to take this kind of attack and ridicule.
DeleteI'll do you all a favor and leave you be. This page is a fucking joke anyway. Enjoy the last couple of days of your ridiculous existence.
It may have gotten a little too real and brutal for you, but the best of you know I was only trying to help.
DeleteYour citing a newspaper columnist in defense of your linguistic nonsense is telling. If you have serious linguistic cites, feel free to link to them.
DeleteAlso, here is a discussion (by actual linguists) of the column you linked to:
http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=2422
I'm Fab Spartacus!
DeleteYou're a risible dickweed! I love you! Fix my plumbing! WIth your linguistic tools!
DeleteMister Fixit, you're my hero. Your well reasoned explanations have totally swayed me to your side. I find that I've been completely wrong in all of my excoriations of what I previously considered to be terrible students.
DeleteThis page is dead. I'm going to stop reading, commenting, and posting as of this moment.
. . . Wait, what do you mean it's not April 1 yet. Dammit.
Can somebody please put a dick in this "Fix-it" guys mouth?!
DeleteAm I the only one who feels some deja vu here?
ReplyDeleteNext Mr Fixit is going to suggest that this blog is secretly written by 4 freshmen in a dorm at Miami of Ohio.
Recycled material can get to be so boring, especially when phrased as outrage.
Don't forget about that rogue helicopter pilot. He flies twenty-five to thirty feet above the roofline, between the magnolia tree and the property line.
Delete(I know, we really shouldn't engage. But I find the reoccurring "This blog is written by one person" claim strange and fascinating, whether it's genuine outrage or not)
No, Academic Monkey, doesn't this feel like honest_prof recycled?
DeleteI am Fab Sun. Also, Spartacus.
ReplyDeleteI am Compound Cal.
DeleteUnder this Jacobean court finery beats the heart of Strel.
DeleteI am also the Eggman. goo goo a joob.
DeleteI'm a pepper. Wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?
DeleteI am a duck. I am THE duck.
DeleteI was Leslie K, until you fuckwits drove her under a bridge. She won't come out now unless I drop acid.
DeleteAw, nuts. I din't scroll down fast enough. +1 for you, Ruby. Do you like oysters and snails?
DeleteI am a thousand monkeys typing on a thousand typewriters. No Shakespeare yet, but it's still pretty impressive, I think.
DeleteACK! Miami! The fact that this blog comes from Oxford explains a lot IMHO! You guys really, really need to move it to Athens, or at least Bowling Green or Kent! Hell, Dayton/Fairborn would be an improvement! Go Bobcats!
ReplyDeleteI like the April Fools day post about the professor at Arkansas who was outed by the Chronicle as the moderator of RYS. It was thoroughly well done.
ReplyDeleteThe best prank was done on just me by a moderator at RYS who pretended to be my provost in a response to something I sent to him. Luckily, I noticed a few telling mistakes in the signature line so I didn't freak out too much. The prank only worked then because I used to use my work email to correspond with RYS.
Along the lines of Lucy^^, I respectfully submit:
ReplyDelete"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together." And I am glad we are all here--I come here to feel less crazy.
I am baffled by the "one person moderates/writes" idea. "Mister Fixit" needs to go sell crazy someplace else. We're full up here.
We're full up here.
DeleteAmen.
I'm having trouble keeping all of us from talking at once in my head.
I always liked this fake Inside Higher Ed story. Or the one that had colleges shuttling adjuncts around in special shuttles.
ReplyDeleteI missed those the first time 'round. Thanks for posting them--brilliant.
DeleteOh goody--It appears as though "Mr. Fixit" has jolly well left us here to rot. The phrase that comes to mind: "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
ReplyDeleteHOORAY!! Now we can go back to dealing with the standard-issue fuckwittery this profession is heir to.
Toodles, dear Mr. Fixit. I'm sure you have plenty of other blogs whose readers are far more capable of understanding that you're "only trying to help" (and likely more amenable to your particular brand gasbaggery).
As my dear old Irish Granny used to say "Don't let the door hit you on the arse on your way out."
Based on the fact that you use words, I'm sure Mr. Fixit thinks you're also Fab Sun.
DeleteAhh, Yaro! :o) Time to take them outside!
ReplyDeleteI'll never understand this particular axe that he keeps grinding. Why should I give a good flying fuck whether the page is written by one person or not? Should I be equally outraged when fiction authors assume the voices of multiple characters in novels? Oh, the horror -- Jonathan Franzen is pretending to be a middle-aged man AND a teen-aged girl! (Gasps and clutches pearls)
ReplyDeleteI find the posts entertaining and the comments enlightening, and that's a lot to ask of any blog. Kudos one and all...or should I say one AND all? ;)
Yaro? Are you there? For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.
ReplyDeleteI am the walrus.
Yaro? Are you there? For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.
ReplyDeleteI am the walrus.
That means you're actually Paul, I suppose.
DeleteLittle-known fact: George, John and Ringo were all actors, paid to look pretty. Prince wrote all their music, played all their instruments, and sang all their parts.
From his cradle.
Wow, that is the first time in my life I have ever been called butch. If a linguist can't recognize the prose style of a femme dyke, he ought to be out of a job.
ReplyDeleteMister Fuckwit has left us, I think. Doesn't like our style of play, it seems.
DeleteGood riddance to ridiculous fuckwits.
Me, too, though I was flattered to find myself in such good company. And it was interesting to see how I appeared in writing (albeit to someone who doesn't seem to analyze prose style very well). I've actually wondered whether one of the reasons my student evaluations aren't higher is that I look like somebody's extremely nurturing mother (or, increasingly, grandmother; actually, I look at lot like my grandmother), ready to supply milk and cookies at the drop of a hat, but my interpersonal style more closely resembles that of the father who raised me: logical, no-nonsense, not particularly nurturing unless there's a real emergency at hand. I guess the latter is more likely to show up in my writing.
DeleteActually, in some ways, I'd make a pretty good butch dyke: as mentioned above, my interpersonal style is pretty no-nonsense, I hate makeup, and I don't mind getting dirty or doing physical work. But the facts that I'm most comfortable in skirts and long hair are something of an obstacle, as is the whole preferring-to-sleep-with-men thing. I probably do a better earth mother.
And I'm looking forward to whatever April 1st may bring.
I don't understand the desire for people who don't really know the blog to swoop in, cause chaos, and leave in a huff. What's the point? If you don't belong to a community, why come in with guns a-blazin', criticizing folks, and be upset when they don't want you to join the community? Is this how they operate in real life, too?
ReplyDelete