I emailed incoming advisees (as we were instructed to do by our Retention Office) to ask if any of them had any questions about courses they need to take this year. My email to new students states, "Welcome to SLAC-where-no-one-is-turned-away. You have been assigned to my academic advising load, so feel free to ask me any questions about courses that you need to register for this year. Once you arrive on campus, I'm happy to go over the schedule that your Enrollment Counselor designed for you (such a lie), but in the meantime, if you have any questions before then, you are welcome to contact me via email."
Here is one earnest soul:
Dear Professor Cynic:
I want to introduce myself to you. I am a good student. I have a schedule and I already bought my books. But I am not sure about one thing. Please let me know what is best to wear to class so I may be a good student. I want to look my best this year. I am not sure what the best outfits are to wear. Please help me.
Advisee who Cannot Dress Herself
I'm sorely tempted to mess with this poor advisee, but I won't. I'll be honest and let her know that everyone wears Harry Pottery style graduation robes over our Where's Waldo? outfits on our campus.