Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Our sidewalks need a slow lane.


PASS ON THE RIGHT, YOU DEGENERATE!


Dear powers that be,

I would like to formally propose that Basket Tech install slow lanes on campus sidewalks. This lane could accommodate students with mobility issues such as those on the following list while allowing those who have to be somewhere to get there in a timely manner:

  1. Texting while walking
  2. Wearing cute rainboots you can't really walk in
  3. Riding a skateboard you can't really ride all that well
  4. Reading while walking (uncommon, but does still happen on occasion)
  5. Explaining poor grades to Mom while walking
  6. Wearing cute flip-flops you can't really walk it
  7. Done for the day and downshifted to meander mode


Dr. Amelia

14 comments:

  1. I made up a game for walking in high traffic areas on campus. It goes like this:

    Look for the people who are texting or not looking. See if you can get them to bump into you.
    - bumping into you (not you into them, that’s cheating) – 1 point
    - if they drop something – 1 point
    - if they drop their phone – 2 points
    - if they fall over – 5 points
    - blood – 15 points

    Points are cumulative, but not stackable.

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  2. Where I went to college I always got angry at the slow-pokes in athletic attire. Sweat pants, running shoes, big number on a jersey - and dragging their feet along at a snail's pace.

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  3. Oh, yeah? What about the fast lane that's also needed, for the out-of-control skateboards, scooters, roller skates, bicycles, and the very most dangerous, the golf carts driven by campus security? Carrying a long, sharp stick will work for most others, but for the golf carts I recommend an anti-tank missile.

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    Replies
    1. My current institution is invested with the golf carts and the security people walk. Funny that. The dangerous ones are the ones driven by alumni relations.

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  4. In a somewhat related vein, am I the only one who wants to kick people sitting/lounging on stairs? Not just on campus, but in public spaces too?

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    Replies
    1. Especially those lounging on the stairs and smoking under the "No Smoking" sign. I resisted the urge to smack a dipshit like this on the head yesterday.

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    2. Our students loung in the hallway with their legs stuck out so that nobody can get anywhere and when you ask them to move they just stare at you or sometimes move one inch. Love that.

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    3. For those with their feet stuck out in the hallway, maybe I should get some steel-toed shoes, walk while texting, and "accidentally" trip over those outstretched legs, making sure the toe of the shoe connects with the ankle.

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  5. Add to it the able-bodied students who use the elevator in my building. The two-story building with exactly 15 stairs to climb.

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  6. Ours needs one too, though our skateboarders are more as Frod describes: very fast, if not always very well under control. We also have a variety of mini-trucks on campus, some of them very cute, most of them electrical (and so quite quiet), and none of them apparently equipped with horns (or, in some cases, brakes).

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  7. I'm not trying to play "gotcha" here but last week, TWO guys Texting WHILE skateboarding!

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  8. My pet peeve are the groups of people who stand around chatting in the middle of narrow corridor or corridor intersection, so that a huge bottleneck of people builds up as foot traffic slows to get around the group. As a major indicator of my becoming a curmudgeon as I grow older, I now mutter in a loud stage whisper as I walk by "yeah, great fucking place to have your conversation."

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    Replies
    1. Again, a long, sharp stick can work wonders here.

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    2. So can a cattle prod, plus you can use it as a demo for the intro-to-electricity class given by the physics department (specifically, to demonstrate capacitance).

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