Monday, February 11, 2013
I know why some students were not in your class today.
I’m letting you know that a few of your idiots got on a bus and made their way down to my neck of the woods. They appear in my office but I’m sure they are just lost. Let me know what address to staple to their foreheads so I can reunite them with their loving professors. I know they miss you so.
Confident Carl: Yes, I’m sure you did great in high school chemistry. You have to take freshman chemistry, just like everybody else. No, I don’t need to see all the notes you took in high school. No, I don’t need to see your high school transcript. No, I will not call your old chemistry teacher. You still have to take this class. Suck it up, get an A and stop bothering me.
Well, Carl got an 82% on the first exam. Lots of silly mistakes but he knew everything, he assures me. Don’t suck it up Carl, just suck it.
Obvious Ollie: “Where does Dr. Smith hold his office hours?”
This question can't be that dumb, can it? “Um. In his office.”
I assumed the student would follow up with, “That's what I thought but she’s not there.” or “Of course, but where is her office?” Any suspicion of intelligence was unfounded.
OO: “OK! Just wondering. Thanks!”
Sugar, there's a bus seat with your name on it. On a bus. At the bus station.
Reading Ryan: “I had trouble remembering the stuff you talk about in lecture. Is there a book that has that information in it?”
I know that Ryan must attend some other school. (God, please don't let me work at a school that admits this kind of stupid.) I’ll still make him by a textbook for my class at our bookstore before I drop him off at the Greyhound station.