A large, red-faced man (LRFM) is demanding a room switch due to broken air conditioning. The night clerk apologizes that there are no other rooms available. LRFM announces that he is a special case because his son needs to sleep after traveling 6 hours; the son is visiting schools tomorrow.
Your correspondent pauses at the keyboard.
LRFM is incredulous that there are no vacancies in this (mutter) place on a Wednesday night. Actually, there are five, but all are reserved, and none match the type of suite he reserved.
LRFM: And you're just going to let the rooms go empty? How long are you going to hold them?
A couple enter the lobby and check in. Now there are four rooms.
LRFM demands the clerk's business card. She doesn't have one; she just works part time. Would he like to speak to the manager? Yes, but she's just gone home and it will be a few minutes before they can reach her. He demands her cell phone number. Desk clerk calmly refuses and offers to get him a reservation at another hotel. He goes ballistic and demands that she give the manager his cell phone number. Manager is reached, speaks to man over hotel phone, and refuses to call him on his cell.
LRFM walks towards your correspondent, muttering about "this shithole hotel" as if he expects agreement.
PG: I've been staying here a few times a year since they opened. It's a nice place, and I'm always grateful when my plane gets in late and they honor my reservation.
LRFM: Well, I spend almost half a billion dollars a year at Marriotts.
PG: Good for you. Does that give you the right to be an asshole?
CAPTAIN SUBTEXT: If you're so rich, what are you doing at a Marriott?
LRFM: You lead a sad, sad life.
PG: No, I lead a very happy life.
CAPTAIN SUBTEXT: Particularly right now.
LRFM: You don't even know what's going on. I happen to not like a hot room. Does that make me an asshole?
PG: No, that's not the reason. That poor woman at the counter deserves better treatment.
LRFM: The manager won't even take my cell phone number and call me back.
PG: I don't call students on my cell because then they can get my number through caller ID.
LRFM: What are you trying to hide?
PG: My number, from stalkers.
CAPTAIN SUBTEXT: And from asshole parents like you.
LRFM: You really are a sad, sad person. Where do you even teach? I feel sorry for your students. Son, if you encounter people like this woman, just ignore them.
SON OF LRFM: Where do you even teach? I feel sorry for your students. What school is that? I wouldn't take that from a teacher.
PG: Good night.
Tomorrow I fly across the continent to my home state and leave the father and son to select a school where I don't teach. Did I mention I'm a happy, happy Proffie G? Is that wrong?