Sunday, September 15, 2013

Boomerang Blues

Boomerangs. Why don't they get that not doing the work right before cost them a whole semester, so they'd better do it right this time?

Emilio Aerocorazon, I still don't get how you can be close to graduation as an air traffic controller and still not be able to write a coherent English sentence that addresses THE SAME PROMPTS AS LAST SEMESTER. Hell, I'd settle for a coherent sentence fragment.

Susie Starchild, you'd learn more -- and maybe pass this time -- if you took new notes instead of just opening up your old notebook and pointing (with a show of boredom) to each equation we cover. In case you don't remember, you didn't solve a single problem correctly last year. How do you expect to solve them this year? They'll be new problems, of course, but I suspect that I could recycle the old ones and you'd still just stare at them and then do some subtraction, wrong, when square roots are called for.

Connie Clueless, four weeks in, you still don't have the book and flunked the first test, which covers the SAME MATERIAL EVERY SEMESTER. Then you had the nerve to imply, in front of the whole class, that this was my fault. 
CONNIE CLUELESS: Yeah, could you explain why Bass-O-Matics were on the test? I take a lot of notes, and this was definitely not covered in class.

PROFFIE GALORE: Bass-O-Matics are essential to the basic lab methods of Fish Jerky Studies. They were covered in detail in Chapter 2.

CC: Well, I'm still waiting for my book.

CAPTAIN SUBTEXT:  Why wait, when there are 20 still on the shelf in the bookstore?

PG: Did you use the one on reserve in the library?

CC: No, I like to have my own book.
CAPTAIN SUBTEXT:  [cough] Bookstore. [cough]
PG: Did you take the online practice quizzes?

CC: There are online practice quizzes?

CAPTAIN SUBTEXT: Yes, just like there were the last time you attempted this class. Come to think of it, why don't you still own the textbook?

PG: There you go. Are there any other questions?


  1. CC: Because college is the thirteenth grade, so all I have to do is show up and I'll pass. That's what all the other professors let me do.

  2. Boomerangs should have a giant red B tattooed to their foreheads.

  3. I get a few of these every year.

    I will say that when they finally do get their shit together, they just might come back later and thank you for being the kick in the ass they needed (I had two of those this year--it was kind of nice).

    Til then, just grit your teeth and carry on. Either they'll catch on, or they won't. You are still a good Proffie.


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