These Q&A's come from my academic experience. I know many of you have more to add to the list!
1. If a student asks: Will you be in your office so I can come by to talk to you about my grade?
The answer is: Yes, I'm in my office during office hours. (The student will never figure out when those office hours are and will always claim to have come by when you were not in your office, implying that you are somewhat delinquent in your office-hour duties by not living in your office waiting for that student to stop by... all this, despite your having posted office hours on the LMS, in the syllabus, and on your office door.)
2. If a student asks: Is there anything I can do to make up the work I have missed?
The answer is: No. Drop the class now. Leave. Quickly!
3. If a student asks: Will you add me to the class? I didn't get cleared to register before now, but I really need this class.
The answer is: The class is full. It's full even if you still have fifteen empty seats. This student will be the bane of your existence for the remainder of the year. Do not add him/her.
4. If a student asks: Is it OK if I miss the last two weeks of school because my parents booked a family reunion cruise? (Same goes for missing the first two weeks of school or missing an exam.)
The answer is: Only if you want to miss the final project, the final presentation, the final exam, and lose 65% of your grade. You do the math to figure out if it's worth missing anything.
5. If a student asks: What kind of perfume/cologne are you wearing?
The answer is: I don't know. My SWAT-team-sniper Significant Other bought it for me.
6. If a student asks: "What's gonna be on the final exam?"
The answer is: 42.
7. If a student asks: "Can I turn that in late?"
The answer is: No. (Once you break your commitment to sticking to deadlines, you're toast. You'll never see another assignment come in on time.)
8. If a student asks: Why can't you be as cool as Professor Digby?
The answer is: What do you mean? (Just keep repeating that phrase and the student will eventually get the point.)
9. If a student asks: Can we watch a movie?
The answer is: Only if I get to pick the movie we watch, and I can promise you that you won't like it.
10. If a student asks: Can I do a makeup quiz for the one I missed?
The answer is: Sure, stop by during my office hours before the midterm exam... (See #1).