Oh, and I did some hard time in Distance Learning Purgatory, in a program that we have to all pretend has been a riotous success because it was our president’s idea, but so far has reminded me of nothing so much as the British in the Siege of Khartoum, only with plagiarism. Ooodles and oodles of plagiarism. It’s awesome, truly.
On the positive side, distance learning and MOOCs promise far easier ways for students to not do shit while pretending they have accomplished shit, while we, the faculty, aren’t in any way responsible for making them do shit. Just record my lecture and rake in the Benjamins. Sounds Pareto to me, except for the part where I am fired and replaced by Max Headroom or Dolly Parton.
Other updates in no particular order:
- Cancer knocked down my father for the last time year. You would be surprised how sad it is when you find you have nobody to shoot Pepsi cans off a fence with.
- I wrote a book and got fatter, neither of which seemed possible, but were, and yes, they probably were related if you don’t count the other 40-odd of years of my life in which I also got fatter but did not produce a book. My chirpy public healthy colleagues told me about a walking-treadmill desk or a standing desk, but I avoided those in favor of method I innovated called refusing-to-leave-my-bed-watching-many-hours-of-Columbo-reruns-on-Netflix desk. I mixed that up with completely horizontal Plants v. Zombies marathons, where my cornpaults devastated the traffic cone zombies. Invigorating, that.
- I have taken up golf, mostly as a means to piss off other golfers, and to be able to say to my cardiologist that I exercise while not really actually exercising, unless you count wandering around looking for my ball as exercise, which I do.
- Been reading a lot, some good stuff—Rita Dove’s Thomas and Buelah, Plato’s Symposium, Neal Stephenson’s Snow Crash. And Sarah Palin’s new book on Christmas. Talk about messed up. I went and ate prime rib and opened presents on Christmas and didn’t even know there was a war on. Oh that lame stream media and the mind control it fosters.
Stay strong, friends. Summer is only many, many months away. I wish you well.
Good to hear from you, a true original. Have a happy 2014! And please come around again...ReplyDelete
I send you my best, Bitchy. You are truly splendid.ReplyDelete
Thanks for heeding the call to return.ReplyDelete
Hey, Bitchy! Great to hear from you! Sorry about your dad. It eventually gets easier... but it never gets easy, you know? I wish I could say something more hopeful, so let me change topics: if you embrace the fact that you will always have a wicked slice and/or hook, golf becomes more fun, because hitting it even a little straight feels like a victory! Also, if you hone your slice to truly epic proportions, you can hit other people and/or things while looking innocent - after all, you're facing a totally different direction! Couldn't have been you!ReplyDelete
Congrats on the book and, since I've been reading a lot of medieval history lately, on getting fatter. Well done. Try "Supernatural" on Netflix. It's actually improbably good, within the limits of network TV, and there's lots of hunky eye-candy. Hey, I may not be interested in them, but those are some good-lookin' boys, even I know that.
I really appreciate the update. If anyone else is out there after a long absence, check in!ReplyDelete
My condolences on the death of your father, Bitchy Bear.ReplyDelete
It's great to meet a fellow fan of Neal Stephenson. Fun post, especially about your exercise routines, but I'm sorry about your dad.ReplyDelete
"On the positive side, distance learning and MOOCs promise far easier ways for students to not do shit while pretending they have accomplished shit, while we, the faculty, aren’t in any way responsible for making them do shit."
This, plus the power of your dick-shriveling glare over creepy power-abusers, make me want to hear more, more, more!
So you're saying books cause us to get fat. Noted. :) Congrats on the book! And I, too, want to hear more, of whatever you CAN share.ReplyDelete
I didn't know you because I'm "new" to the community (as in post-RYS), but I am also sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. Anyone who teaches his kids to shoot responsibly is worth missing.
I too, am unfamiliar with you, but the article is fab! I am so sorry about your Dad's passing.ReplyDelete
Love you, Bitchy. Thanks so much for checking in. Best wishes on a new year...ReplyDelete
"On the positive side, distance learning and MOOCs promise far easier ways for students to not do shit while pretending they have accomplished shit, while we, the faculty, aren’t in any way responsible for making them do shit."ReplyDelete
Yes we are. If they don't do shit in an online course, it's still our fault.
Oh, and welcome back! It's good to see your byline again.Delete