So the fucker beeps at me. Doesn't beep. Plays a merry tune.
I think, "Mother has broken a hip; daughter is in the hoosegow."
I race out of bed in pitch darkness. I stub two toes on a dresser I've always hated - and now hate even more. I get to the phone and look down. I have an email. Oh, good. I love email. I must figure out these notification beeps and bonks.
I press the screen and up it pops:
Hi professor.
I decided to stay at home after the weekend. I am so burned out. Could you tell Kevin to take notes for me and maybe you can meet with him after class to tell him so I know what to do for next class. I'll definitely be there Wednesday. Have a good night!
Brian
So, I can't wait to see Kevin in the morning to tell him what a shit his buddy is. Oh, and the free instruction he wants passed along. Fuck it.
Now you know why I've long thought that parents don't hit their children enough.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, if that was an iPhone, select:
Settings/Do Not Disturb
and not Notifications.
The correct way to handle this e-mail is to hit "delete," and that is all. Let this little shit deal with Kevin himself.
Avoid getting involved in this drama, whether it's 11:45 am or pm.
ReplyDelete"Tell Kevin to take notes for me"? That is a ridiculous request at any time of day. I mean, I'm astonished.
ReplyDeleteCan't the kid contact Kevin directly or is he too lame-brained or lazy to do it himself?
ReplyDeleteThis, unfortunately, is one consequence of the "student as customer" ideology that has infested the education system for the last generation. The twerps really do think that the teaching staff are hired help.
Dear [Cassandra's chair],
ReplyDeleteI've decided to stay in bed for the rest of the semester. I'm so burned out. Could you tell Kevin to take my classes for me, and maybe meet with him to go over my syllabus so he can be ready for next week. I'll definitely be back next semester. Have a good fall!
Cassandra
No? Oh, well; I was worth a try, especially since I really could use a sabbatical, and there doesn't seem to be any established procedure that allows me to apply for one.
P.S. You just moved "buy a smartphone" even further down my to-do list.
DeleteDear Brian,
ReplyDeleteBe advised that FERPA prevents me from discussing a student's educational situation with another student. If you wish for another student to be your note taker, you'll have to contact that student directly.
Bravo! Probably misrepresents FERPA (when group work is involved, I regularly have to pass on word that a student will miss class to other students), but an effective response nonetheless.
DeleteAn award-winning response.
DeleteCould FERPA end up killing our ability to assign group-projects? I could only pray.
My favorite pet-peeve happens when a student approaches me when exams are being handed back and wants to pick-up an exam for another student. That itself is a definite FERPA violation and I hate having to explain it to them because it usually results in them getting pissed and being quite unpleasant to deal with in the classroom.
Thank God that Vodka looks exactly like water.
Yes, it's probably an overinterpretation of FERPA. As for group work, the "need to know" loophole may apply: to perform their job function, the students in the group have an interest in knowing whether one of them will be present. I suppose we could look this all up, but I'd rather imitate my students and just go by what I think it says.
DeleteEMH, I wonder if when student A asks to pick up student B's exam, you could reply that student C already asked for both A and B's exam, so you gave them all to C. When A's jaw hits the floor, you can say that no, you don't hand out any exams to anybody but the rightful recipients in person; it's the law, for good reason.
easy: that e-mail gets deleted without being answered.
ReplyDeleteThen the complaints just go up the ladder, and/or the emails just get more frequent.
DeleteSince the e-mail contains a question "Could you tell Kevin to take notes for me and maybe you can meet with him after class to tell him so I know what to do for next class." I would reply "No." That covers it.
DeleteIt's phrased as a question, but it's really a command, complete with lack of question mark. But "no" works as a response nonetheless.
DeleteThis is why I make my students read my email etiquette handout before they email me...it decreases the chances of this kind of shit coming through. What are you, his personal docent?
ReplyDelete