Monday, August 2, 2010

College Misery: A Manifesto

Since no one seems willing to steer this ship, I'm laying it all on the line. It's manifesto time, suckas!


COLLEGE MISERY

is a place for proffies to commiserate with other proffies about the insanities of academic life. Here, we vent our frustrations--our "misery," if you will--with a dose of irreverent humor. This RYS-developed formula has kept many a proffie from jumping off the campus belltower, and it is our mission.

At CM, we know too much. Our naïveté is gone. We can see higher ed for what it is. We're rockin' an archaic medieval system on the one hand, but on the other, we've let fucktards with MBAs take charge, plundering the lives of bankrupt Ph.D.s and prioritizing customer satisfaction over intellectual freedom. We know this identity crisis may be the death of us. It's our very own Inconvenient Truth.

We can't complain openly about all this at our home institutions. But at CM, we let it all hang out.

WHAT WE WANT:

posts that aren't too earnest
graphics that don't suck
a high snark-to-words ratio
snappy pop culture references
embedded links for shits & giggles
attitudes that are larger than life
smackdown, baby--smackdown!

WHAT WE DON'T WANT:

your "help"
your "advice"
proof that you are smart like us
snowflakes with posting rights

In short, we're smarter than you are, and we're doin' it for the lulz.

NOTE: Anyone being too "nice" on CM is presumed to be up to no good. Suspects will be shot on sight by a proffie wielding a snark rifle.

No mercy, suckas. Just misery.


College Misery: Feel it. Live it. Groove it.

11 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. The slogan is a big improvement over RYS - I know all the words! Please tell me I wasn't the only one who had to look up "ennui".

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  3. Ben, did you start in that dictionary with "on we"?

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  4. Ennui was a vocab word in 6th grade. I remember it clearly because I thought it was a terrific word, especially for entering that melodramatic stage of life known as puberty.

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  5. What can I say? "Ennui" never appeared on my vocabulary lists. It sounds French so my teachers were probably hesitant to expose young minds lest they incite some dirty revolutionary thoughts.

    Hey, I know! Let's focus on something less embarrassing to me.

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  6. Dr Snarky, just when I was wondering big time about where all this bitching and moaning was going, you came in with a beautifully written manifesto -- so brilliant in your disdain for the multiple waves of revolution feminism or whatever, yet so to the point. sorry to praise but i find no fault here (a rare event).

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  7. "No Mercy, Just Misery" should be on prodo!
    However, I have to admit I do somewhat enjoy the sucky graphics in a train-wreck kinda way.

    I think I learned "ennui" in the 7th grade.

    BTW BB, I have always thought it one of the hallmarks of the intelligent and well educated that they can freely admit when they don't know something.
    Just sayin'

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  8. I always liked the long words like "antidisestablishmentarianism" or "proletariat", but "ennui" was a good substitute for the now more common "angst."

    For myself I always liked the intentionally crappy graphics; they somehow captured the essence of the posters.

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  9. Ah... but crappy graphics =/= sucky graphics, my friends.

    What I probably should have said was, "We want graphics." Period. Who wants a block of text with no pictures? Not our students, and certainly not us!

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  10. Not everyone has access to photo alteration technology.

    Not everyone is creative.

    Ok, let's be blunt: Not everyone is smart enough to fulfill the manifesto.

    *tries not to look anyone in the eye*

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  11. You guys crack me up; thanks and a hearty belly-laugh from a long-time lurker. Now all we need is Timmy the Dog and our very own secret clubhouse (too bad those RYS mods went all Pi-Phi on the compound, or we could use that), and it'll be just like in the movies.

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